Patient Chart Quotes

Nurses Humor


The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians...

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

* The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

* Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

* I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

* The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

* Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

* The patient refused an autopsy.

* The patient has no past history of suicides.

* The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

* Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

* The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

* She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

* The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

* The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* The skin was moist and dry.

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

* Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

* When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


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