Our 12-Step Meetings...How Do You Feel About Them?

[celesteanne]

Someone posted recently that they felt a bit disconnected as a nurse at regular 12-step meetings. This is not the first time I've heard this. It got me wondering if there had been other posts about our 12-step meetings and I did a search and found a couple of threads. None of them recent and a couple had been shut down for violations of TOS. I'd like to see some dialogue about our experiences with these meetings, but I don't want to get into a situation where the terms of service are being violated. Anonymity must be protected and as the most popular 12-step program has rules against using their name in press, radio and film I don't know if this forum would be considered a violation of that, so I won't name the program.

My state BoN requires one peer group monitoring meeting a week and three 12-step meetings. They are really very liberal about what constitutes a 'meeting'. We have been told that even getting together with one or two other people in recovery and spending an hour together in fellowship counts. One of my meetings is a weekly lunch or coffee with a few other ladies in recovery. We don't always discuss recovery, sometimes we simply talk about other aspects of our lives. But I am thrilled to have these wonderful women in my life. These are not other nurses, but just a mix of members from several 12-step meetings who have made connections through the regular meetings. I look forward to my time with my friends and as someone who has trouble getting out of isolation mode...it is time I really need.

I've felt pretty good about my 12-step meetings and I do share at times. I have a home group that I am comfortable sharing in and while I don't always feel it's necessary to completely spill my guts about all the messy details of my history, there have been times when I have shared specifics. It's different for each person as to how much they feel like sharing and who they share it with. Some seem to feel comfortable with only other nurses or healthcare professionals, while others are fine in a general 12-step setting.

My peer group monitoring meetings are small, there are just five of us and I think I am the only one who actively participates at the 12-step meetings. One or two have shared that they dislike the meetings and don't feel like they are particularly relevant to their needs. The others really don't talk about it at all. One woman shared that she has repeatedly encountered negativity from some in the 12-step meetings. She says there is a strong attitude that nurses and medical personnel should be above the temptations that others fall victim to. She has experienced shaming and disgust from some members. She attends the meetings because she is required to, but looks forward to when she won't have to and doesn't plan on continuing with the meetings.

That has not been my experience and when I sense any of it I am quick to state that addiction and alcoholism does not discriminate. Some of the highest percentages of alcoholism can be found in the clergy, medical professions and the law. Some feel that addicted nurses belong in a program for narcotic addicts. I have been lucky not to run into that much, either. I stick with open meetings that include a lot of people who are both addicts and alcoholics. We were told in our monitoring peer group that the programs for alcoholics had a couple of advantages over ones specific for narcotic addicts. One was that there are many more meetings available and the another was that there was a far greater rate of recovery and less relapsing. From what I have seen, I would agree with both of those.

So I'm curious how other nurses are fairing in their meetings. Do you feel like they are relevant? Do you feel discriminated against as a nurse? Are you more comfortable in a narcotic-based program or are you fine with the alcoholic-based meetings? Do you share and get involved? Do you feel like these meetings are useful in your recovery?