Oncology infusion/ Pulled back to orientation

[Wasnt, BSN]

I am a relatively new nurse graduated with my BSN December 2019. I haven’t had a job for a year because my spouse job moves him often and had a baby (passed due to MTM). So this has affected my skills and confidence. My current job is chemotherapy infusion. I just got out of orientation, but pull back because of mistakes I made. 
1. I hang mag/k. I programmed the pump and connected  the mag/k down stream instead of up stream as pigybag. So med was infusing to gravity.
2. Pharmacy forgot to give me one premed and I didn’t realize on time. I already started the chemo ( this happened in a different site from my usual site) I told my boss and I stopped the Chemo and gave the one remaining premed.

The nurses at this center are not supportive. I think they told my supervisor not to have me back. One of the nurses jokingly said to me “quit”.  Because of the way the nurses treat me, the MA was so disrespectful. My supervisor said I will only go back in emergency situations( desperately in need of nurses). This center is close to my house.
Today my supervisors followed me to hang all chemotherapy and premeds at a different center. She pull me back to orientation for 2 weeks and will reassess. I am walking on egg shells because my every move is watched. I am so afraid to make a mistake. I feel so ashamed and I can’t sleep at night. While my boss was with me, I hanged a premed with D5W because the pt was getting a chemotherapy not compatible with NS. This was how I was trained. My boss asked another nurse if the premed was compatible because there’s was no information online and she said no it wasn’t compatible. I  changed to NS. I asked the pharmacist and he confirmed that all the premed I am giving is COMPATIBLE! I went back to tell the more experienced nurse that it was compatible and more nurses confirmed that hanging D5W was how they will have done it. The pt was so scared while this was unfolding and later showed symptoms of anxiety. I had to stop the infusion for a while. My boss later told me to do it the way I was taught. 

 My spouse suggests that I go back to PACU due to frequent mistakes and the fear of losing my license ( PACU is my background), but I don’t want to keep changing jobs besides, the hours works for me. 
Kindly give me any suggestions and advice on how to be a safe nurse and if it is a good idea to stay with this job. I have lost every confidence I had. 
Thanks

[brasileira]

I am an infusion nurse and I am fairly new . I started working in hematology with a doctor and learned a lot the about the disease process ,then  how to access the patient etc . Later ,I learned how to do it little by little some skills required in oncology :port flush/ dressing changes. Ultimately, I changed jobs to an infusion center . Chemo infusion is complex …you have to know skills and symptoms and apply to high anxiety patient .I would say lower your own anxiety . Try to it write down the main meds , their rates how it is given . Gain confidence in giving treatment . Ask pharmacy questions . If you tried your best and you really want to be a chemo nurse maybe go for a more supportive environment. Oncology is not easy and it’s not a field that everyone wants to go for . If is in your heart to do it give it another try . Best of luck ! 

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

If you're ever unsure check your local policy. Soon these things will become second nature. Agree with the poster above - keep a little note book, write things down, ask, ask, ask. Compatibilities etc. WILL stick in your head after a certain time. 

Don't be underconfident. As the above poster says, oncology is difficult but you'll get there. I felt like leaving in my orientation as there was an incident with a yucky death and I didn't follow the correct hospital procedure for laying out dead bodies which had not at that point been explained to me. A not very sympathetic supervisor made me feel small but I stuck it out and soon felt like an integrated member of the team. I soon worked out that this particular supervisor made all newcomers feel small because she herself is actually lacking in knowledge and skills. 

Nearly 14 years later I'm a respected, senior member of the team, very happy here and I'm so glad I stuck out my orientation. That particular supervisor doesn't come near me since I've proved myself and I think that if anything, SHE sometimes  feels intimidated by MY presence now rather than the other way round. 

Try to suss out which more experienced staff are the nicer, more supportive ones and go to them for help. If somebody dismisses your actions out of hand without constructively advising you where you might have gone wrong, they're probably not that competent themselves. 

I wish you all the best.