Oh, the frustration...help me figure this out! Sorta long.

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

So I'm a CNA, and I work in an Alzheimer's unit. Fun times. A nurse I only worked one day a week with, and recently cut my hours so I don't work with her at all, has been saying some very nasty things behind my back. Normally, this would not bother me, but she literally would hug me, and the minute my back was to her, take another aide aside and say that no one likes working with me, I'm bossy and think I'm in charge, I'm unsafe, I think I know it all, various things like that. She even blamed a fall on me because a CNA put a lady in bed who then crawled out and fell. This is my fault because "everyone knows she likes all the wheelchair bound people to lay down during the day" None of which she has ever said to my face.

Now granted, I CAN be bossy. Anytime I brought a care issue to her attention, her response was always, "You're the preceptor, you deal with it." So I deal with it. I honestly just want my residents to get the best care possible. I don't mean to be bossy. I'm working on it. And I'm pretty easy to take down a peg or two. Another nurse will just look at me and say "Okay boss," and I get the picture. The thing that gets me, is if this is such an issue, why hasn't she said anything? She's the one in charge. The way I see it, I can't fix a problem that I'm not aware of. And she is the only person who seems to be having this problem with me. I don't know what to do. We've worked together for over a year, and have always gotten along beautifully. Any advice?

[Bijou-Spice]

Have you spoken to her directly about your concerns? Sounds like you are a pretty direct person, so talk to her about the issues she apparently has with you. She does not sound very proffessional! As you said you can't change something you are not told about! Don't take it personnaly, seems to me you are the more mature person here, so take her face on and tell her that you what a mutually satisfiying relationship with her and need to discuss the following issues.

good luck and update us!

[lovingtheunloved, ASN, RN]

That is my goal, to talk to her about this, but I just want to get it straightened out in my head first, if that makes any sense. The situation is a bit complicated in that she feels that she can't go to the ADON about this because the ADON and i are very close friends. When I talk to her I need to make her understand that, yes, we are friends, but at work she is my boss, and if there is an issue with me, she is professional enough to deal with that issue. She also doesn't like the ADON for whatever reason, I've never been able to figure that one out.

This may sound weird, but I'm really not angry at this nurse. Have you ever looked at a person and you could just see the unhappiness? You can literally see the pain in her eyes. She is a very sensitive person, despite the front she puts up, and I don't want her to feel attacked. She's had some personal problems lately too. But I know that sweeping this under the rug will not help.

The thing is, when there is tension among staff, that tension can be felt by the residents. Their care is affected, and they deserve better than that.

[Bijou-Spice]

How about inviting this RN to lunch and saying most of what you just said in your last posting. Food keeps most calm and she may feel less threatened by the conversation if it is done away from work.