Nursing rollercoaster

[ABrn12]

I'll start off with a bit of a background. I'm 27 years old and I have two Bachelor's degrees. I did a four year BS in biology and then went on to an accelerated Bachelor's nursing program. I have been nursing for a little over three years now and I feel like I've hit a low point. I started off with critical care, took a bit of a break and did Cath lab for a while and I'm back to critical care and still do Cath lab PRN.

I don't think I want to be a nurse anymore.

I love my patients. I love to meet their families, hear their stories, and be there when they need comfort, but I've been having serious doubts in regards to nursing.

I know, and my co workers would agree, that I'm overly critical of myself and I truly care about my patients. I hate to see families prolong care when the prognosis is grim, rescind DNRs on elderly adults with poor quality of life, have doctors give false hope to families after the family has come to terms with withdrawing care.... it breaks my heart. I also hate working with doctors who have the mentality of "well, they are a DNR anyway," and then don't put as much effort into patient care. I try to be the best advocate for my patients. I'm not afraid to stand up to physicians and tell them I disagree with something they ordered, put in a suggestion for another course of treatment, or call them if I get one of those "bad feelings" because I notice a slight change or a trend in a lab, vital sign, or assessment.

At the same time, I find myself not loving nursing as I used to. I get more anxious and stressed. I often dread going in to work and I feel like I have no energy even on my days off. All of that said, I believe that how I've been feeling means I'm not doing what is right for me, that nursing isn't right for me.

I'm not sure if it is nursing in general or just the specialty I am in. I've always felt that I made the most impact when withdrawing care on patients. I also truly enjoy working with underserved populations and doing education. My friend suggested community or public health nursing, but I'm not sure what that would be like (so if anyone could address that, I'd appreciate it!). I've also thought about becoming a nurse practitioner and focusing on palliative/hospice.

I want to feel energized, again, about going to work in the morning, not dragging my feet into the hospital, dreading the twelve hour shift to come. I want to make an impact, no matter what field I'm in.

The other issue that I need to bring up is money. I have many student loans from both of my degrees and I need to choose a career path that will allow me to pay off my loans and have extra funds for the usual (rent, car payments, etc.) Right now I do work my 36 hours a week plus shifts in the cath lab and sometimes it is hard to make ends meet.

That's what brings me here. I would truly appreciate any advice on what to do.

Sincerely,

A nurse trying to find her way

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

Try something outpatient like public health and do a couple shifts a month in the hospital to keep your skills up. That way you can see if that is better for you before ditching nursing altogether.