The Broken Picker

  1. Because this seems to apply to so many nurses:

    After yet another failed relationship, I went to see my grandmother. She’s my friend and confidant. I was whining to her about how badly things had gone and I was wondering why I kept getting involved with these losers.
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    “You have a broken picker, dear.”

    I couldn’t believe it! I come to her for a little comfort and she tells me something is wrong with me?!!

    “What do you mean a broken picker?”
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    “You have a broken man picker. You keep picking out men that are wrong for you!”
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    The audacity of these words left me speechless. I just figured something was wrong with the men in the world. How could the fault lie with me?
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    “Let me give you a little advice. . . There are some man rules that you need to learn:
    • Never get involved with a man that is less educated than you are. I don’t care how smart he is, or how much he intends to go back to school, it’s not going to work. There is a basic values gap between you that will multiply. You’re well educated, you’ve worked hard, you’ve invested in yourself, and you’ve learned the responsibility of studying and preparation. You can apply these principles elsewhere in life. Someone that is uneducated cannot.
    • Never get involved with a man that makes less than you do. A man needs to wear the pants in the family. Any man that says he’s comfortable with a woman making more than him is looking for a free ride one way or another.
    • Never get involved with a man that has radically different views from yours, be it religion, politics, sex, or children. These differences will only become a gap between you that will grow larger between you given time.
    • Never get involved with a man from a dysfunctional family. He’s probably broken and no amount of your love or good intentions is going to fix him.
    • Never get involved with a man that is verbally, emotionally, or spiritually abusive. Our lives are hard enough without our partners belittling us.
    • Never try to change a man. If you’re getting involved with him you better like him just as he is - flaws and all. You cannot change a man. You may be able to influence a behavior or two, like putting down the toilet seat or not tracking mud into the house, but even that is questionable. You cannot change a man.
    • Never get involved with a man if you don’t like his family. We are each tied to our families in unique ways. Like it or not, when you get involved with the man, you get involved with the family. You better like them. And remember, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
    • Never get involved with a man that is less ambitious than you are. The man you have in your life should share the same basic goals as you. If you don’t share the same goals, one will end up leaving the other in the dust. This rule can apply to jobs, families, children, religion, etc.
    • Never get involved with a man that is not an adult. You’ve grown and matured, so make sure that the man you’re involved with has grown and matured. Make sure he can balance his checkbook, pay his bills on time, and has learned the value of saving a penny.
    • Never get involved with a man that is too old. We age in different ways. Never get involved with a man that is too old chronologically, or a man that is too old in his spirit. It takes a lot of spark to keep a relationship alive. Make sure he’s young enough, but mature enough to grow up with you.
    • Never get involved with a man that is given to excesses. Moderation is the key to enjoying many things in life including alcohol, food, sex, politics, religion, etc.
    You take those rules to heart and you’ll do fine.”
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    I just had to share this newfound wisdom with my girlfriends.
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    So here’s to all us girls out there with the broken pickers. And to those whose pickers are fine, consider it a tune-up!
    Last edit by luv_2_nurse77 on Sep 13, '06
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    About luv_2_nurse77

    Joined: Sep '06; Posts: 3


  3. by   malenurse1
    Thank you from all of us disfunctional, damaged men. Please remember that some of us are that way because of the women in our lives. I was less educated than my wife when we got together. I graduated from Nursing school this past December. I guess some of us do follow the dream and go back to school. My reward for all of that hard work, graduating with high honors, passing my state boards, trying to make a better life for MY family ... In June she tells me that after 16 years of marriage she is divorcing me. Why, I wonder, what have I done, or not done? We haven't been communicating she tells me ... ***!?! That certainly isn't reason for a divorce. How about counselling, or a trial seperation, I suggest, ANYTHING to fix this! Absolutely not she replies, I am divorcing you and that is that. Life sucks! Women suck! I mean, I never cheated on her, I never raised my hand to her, hell, I barely ever argued with her. I haven't had a drink of alcohol since before we got together. Now she is running around telling everyone that I was abusing alcohol, cheating on her, and always picking arguments with her. She was in charge of the finances because I was adult enough to know that she was way better at managing them than I was. Now I find out that all of the bills are months behind. So, forgive me if I fail to see the "HUMOR" in you Grandmothers so called "wisdom". I am damaged and disfunctional because of the woman in my life. Now whos "picker" is broken? This thread is sexist as are so many other things in Nursing. I am tired of instructors, and other nurses refering to nurses as female. For example, at a recent staff meeting, my manager was presenting scenarios for the Nursing staff to work out, "The nurse is assigned to such and such patient who is presenting such and such symptoms. What should she address first?" You started this thread but saying this applies to so many Nurses, then you finished by asking the girls to have their pickers tuned up.
    But I digress, so I will step down off my soapbox.
  4. by   ohioln
    To malenurse1, both men and women have to be careful who they pick for a relationship.
  5. by   luv_2_nurse77
    I meant no offense. Relationships are never easy. I think this advice could do just as well for men concerning women.

    As for this profession being sexist, well, welcome to a woman's world. You entered a female dominated profession and it takes time to enact change. Women have faced that challenge time and again joining predominatley male professions. We all just need to work a bit harder to be more PC, or we all just need to grow thicker skins.
  6. by   babynurselsa
    Malenurse, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Please remember
    1) this was posted in the HUMOR forum.
    2)luv 2 nurse was probably not the author of your misery. I think the advice posted there is interchangable. Men should also look for mates with ambition and maturity.
    3) sometimes relationships go bad.
    4)I see much pain and anger in your post. I hope that you find someone to talk to to help you through this time.
    Good luck to you.
  7. by   malenurse1
    Sorry about all the anger in my last post. This has been the most difficult time of my life and I was having a REALLY bad day with the Ex. I just kind of exploded. Please accept my deepest, heartfelt, sincerest apology. I AM SORRY!!!
  8. by   angell883RN
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    I just loved the "broker picker!" how true-no matter if your man or woman!
  9. by   Pat_Pat RN
    I don't see that there are any men left after the end of your grandmothers "flowchart". I actually thought it was a joke and the punch line was gonna be something about "...pick a woman..."

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