On The Witness Stand. She Was Only Telling The Truth

  1. During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting
    attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in,
    asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
    truth, on the Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper
    well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and
    poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked,
    "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'"

    She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
    you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big
    disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people
    and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising
    big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to
    anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster."
    "Yes, I know you quite well."

    The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes.
    Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors'
    faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word.
    Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
    "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

    She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
    was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem.
    The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his
    law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
    cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
    The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
    his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
    throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.

    At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
    counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of
    you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."
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  3. by   jayna