During a trial, in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting
attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in,
asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth, on the Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper
well-dressed elderly lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and
poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people
and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising
big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster."
"Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes.
Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors'
faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem.
The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of
you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail."