Here are two jokes I heard that I really liked for completely opposite reasons.
This guy is on a three day bender (drunk) he is wasted and he leaves this one bar and he is trying to figure out where to go next when he spots this Nun sitting at the Bus stop.
He runs up on her and just waylays her with a punch to the face.
He grabs her off the bench and bodyslams her to the ground.
He rears back real good and kicks her in the ribs.
As the drunk stands looking down at the Nun slobbering he says, " Not feeling too tough tonight, Are you BATMAN!!!"
This is a really great visual joke for people that like to get animated when telling.
These three doctors are playing golf (duh)
The first guy says "Man it's gonna cost me about five hundred dollars to play today."
One of the others says "What do you mean why is that?"
"Well My wife told me if you go golfing I'm going shopping, I know she will spend at least $500."
The other guy says "**** that's nothing my wife said if she heard I was on the course one more time she was getting a new car."
The third guy says "you guys haven't figured this out at all have you? I looked my wife in the eye and gave her a little pat on the ass and said Golf course or Intercourse.
Aug 30, '01
When the eyeball drops down to the a$$hole and gives you a chitty outlook on life!