An ABSN is very intense and fast-paced. You might be able to work part-time, but there is no way you can work full-time.
You won't be able to get into any program until you complete your prereqs - ADN, BSN, or direct entry master's.
As for cost, the ADN route is probably the cheapest, but there are also scholarships
out there for nursing students. Public colleges are also cheaper than private for state residents. However, you won't know until you get accepted and see what kind of package you get.
Since you have HIT experience, if you can get an IT job in a hospital, they might provide tuition assistance for nursing school and be willing to give you a flexible work schedule.
New Jersey is not a nursing compact state. If you get an RN there, then want to transfer, go to the Board of Nursing website for the state you want to transfer to. That will have instructions.