Nurse Humor

[CEN35]

nurse humor :chuckle

q: did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell?

a: it took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

you know you're a nurse if:

you believe every patient needs tlc:

thorazine, lorazepam and compazine.

you would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley

one night.

you believe not all patients are annoying...some are just unconscious....or tubed and sedated...

your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.

you know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

almost everything can seem humorous.....eventually.

you can only tell time with a 24-hour clock.

when asked, "what color is the patient's diarrhea?", you show them your shoes. :roll

every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the

scissors and clamps in your pockets.

you can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.

you carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.

you refuse to watch er because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs."

you check the caller id when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.

you've been telling stories in a restaurant, and had someone at another table throw up.

you notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.

every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you (and they are all from the drug reps!).

you can intubate your friends at parties.

you don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your own.

you live by the motto, "to be right is only 1/4 of the battle, and to

convince the physician is the rest of the battle."

you've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a toomey syringe.

you've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.

eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

your bladder can expand to the same size as a winnebago's water tank.

when checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answer.

you find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines (or, can see a fetal heart tracing in a crack in the sidewalk!).

you can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.

you avoid unhealthy looking shoppers (or pregnant women) in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do cpr (or a delivery) on your day off.

you've sworn you're going to have "dnr" tattooed on your chest.

me :)

[carlarn, BSN, RN]

You know you are a nurse if:

you think TSTL is an appropriate diagnosis (too stupid to live);

you think prozac, xanax, valium or some other mood alterator should be pumped through the ventilation system of the hospital;

you think everyone who walks into your ED should be MRI/CT scanned as they walk through the door just to save time;

you think some people are taking up good air space;

you get phone calls from people you don't even know to ask you a medical question because they don't want to go the doctor;

you see a car accident and you think you should stop to help;

you find humor in even the most disgusting things;

your dog throws up on you and you don't even bat an eye;

you assume everyone that walks into the ED is lying;

you can read the doctor's handwriting that even the doctor can't read;

you tell your own children, "if there is no blood/obvious broken bones/fever/vomiting/diarrhea, you can still go to school";

you make your family observe the 24 hour rule: "if it is still swollen/painful in 24 hours then we will go to the doctor or ED" (unless it involves the previous entry);

people tell you how much of a buzz kill you are because you see the bad in everything;

you refer to death or heaven as the ECU (eternal care unit. I heard this from someone I worked with);

you have ever told someone who is dying to "go toward the light";

you can name every slang term for both male and female genitals;

you can keep a straight face when you are changing linens for a morbidly obsese patient that loudly passes gas when they are turned to be cleaned up;

you don't follow the "10/20/30 second rule" for food that has fallen onto the foor;

you won't let anyone use your pen because you don't know where their hands have been;

you shadow a doctor who is using your stethoscope/pen because he/she is notorious for walking off with equipment;

you think ice/heat/rest/tylenol/ibuprofen/maalox/prune juice/imodium/pepto bismol/fluids/tincture of time are the treatments for whatever ails a patient;

you feel completely cynical/jaded about life but still see much humor in it anyway.

[carlarn, BSN, RN]

Or you have ever told a patient who is concerned about blood loss, all bleeding stops..........eventually.

If you have ever gotten out of a speeding ticket because the police officer recognizes you from the hospital.