I'm not one to give up, but I sure have had some trying times, as a new grad in the ICU. There have been days that I feel I am getting the flow of things and am able to think ahead and even suggest treatments for my patients. Other days, I feel completely lost and have a hard time keeping up (i'm slow with everything. please tell me I'll get quicker) and it's worrisome to me, especially when there seem to be so many scrutinizing eyes. Just a little background of my experience so far. I started orientation in November. I was hired for a night position, but I started off with a preceptor on day shift. I only just started nights last week. Anyhow, I have been bounced around between preceptors, either because they were sick or had other things going on, so that has made my experience a little bit more challenging. It has been nice to see the different nursing styles, though. Overall, I'm enjoying nights better. The teamwork and working environment is much more cohesive. Whereas, on days, there seemed to be so much more tension and turmoil among team members; a lot of gossip and unnecessary drama. It seemed that people were more concerned with what others were doing wrong rather than being a supportive network of coworkers. I felt the hostility and didn't much care for it, and there were remarks made and behaviors that were suggestive of talk behind my back, too. I come from a place where the new guy is crapped on, until they make senior in rate. (nuclear power). The thought 'nurses eat their young' compares to the same mentality, so I know that, if I could make it through that, I can make it through this, too. Add that to my very new experience of being a nurse and it makes for stressful times. I know that I will gain confidence through experience. I know my weak areas, and I work on those. I just don't like feeling judged. That's the one thing that I truly struggle with and try to put behind me. I really appreciate constructive criticism, but the negativity and hostility that I sense from the unit at times is for the birds.