New Nurse and I'm stressed

[ShellBee11]

I am 28 years old. I worked as a medical technologist for the last three years in a hospital. So, I knew the hospital scene before starting as a nurse. However, I had zero nurse experience other than my clinical. I suffer from mild anxiety that I thought I had under control. In the last few years, I only had a handful of panic attacks. I knew nursing would be a lot more work but the stress has been so bad. I work on a trauma, orthopedic, med-surg floor. Our management is awful and we have some poor nurse leaders. I have made zero friends in my four months there and I've tried. My real stress started after I had to do CPR on a patient. I hated it so much. It triggered my one big fear in life, dying. Just typing this I feel an anxiety attack brewing. I go into work and try my best but nothing ever seems like enough. The patients hate us and they are so mean.

This is my third career change, my boy-friend and I just moved in with each other, and the money is good. I am so afraid that I hate nursing because I need the money. I have been picking up overtime but I think I'm experiencing burnout. Nursing is forcing me to feel all kinds of feelings I've avoided in my own life and I don't know what to do with it all. I would love to talk to a counselor or a doctor about my anxiety but I am so afraid they will try to put me on meds or it will get back to my job. I'm not suicidal but maybe a little depressed. I thought I would love it but now I'm just afraid of dying early in my life because the stress kills me. I am working on my BSN and have wanted to get my NP but I am so disgusted with everything I want to give up on that dream too. I'm smart and capable. I'm just so stressed and overwhelmed. I wish I never would have had to do CPR on that patient. I think I would have been fine otherwise.

[Aker-Fit, ADN, EMT-B]

Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. That's the first step to finding answers. It makes perfect sense that you're experiencing increased anxiety with a pre-existing anxiety issue. To answer your questions about getting help...GO! You are protected by the HIPPA law like every other citizen in the US. No one will tell your job anything UNLESS you are deemed a danger to society. I went to a psychiatrist and counselor and took medications (that were not addicting or endangering to my practice, just like diabetes or heart meds) for a bipolar disorder for the first 14 years of my 24 year and still running career. If you don't want to take meds find a counselor that doesn't prescribe meds. Hell if you want to sit in your own home and not go to anybody google search online coaching programs to help with anxiety. I'm an online coach myself and you'd be AMAZED at what's available these days. Do the free stuff first and you can start with my all time favorite anxiety specialist Mel Robbins, go to YouTube and search Mel Robbins Mindset Reset, 35 days of free quality stuff!! Fix it now early in your career like I did and you will have an amazing career or when you reset your brain you may actually decide you picked the wrong thing and move on with peace and freedom from anxiety, it's a win, win situation! Happy learning to be free my friend!! Oh and nursing was my second career change and I'm working on my 3rd chapter!

[BoldNurse]

I have been in a similar place- questioning my career choice and thinking nursing wasn't the fulfilling career I expected. I kept changing jobs too, thinking I would find the perfect fit. The thing that has helped me the most is realizing that I am the creator of my experience and there truly is no "perfect job" or "perfect career" out there. What matter more than the tasks of your job is what you BELIEVE about your job. I know that sounds weird, but if you tell yourself tour job is a burden or something you HAVE to do, you will dread it. If you tell yourself you are making a valuable impact on the world and that you have an important contribution to make, you will feel fulfilled in your work. There's a podcast I love called Thriving Nurse and there's an episode I think you'd enjoy called Fall in Love with Nursing. It teaches you how to change your mindset about your job so you can find more joy and satisfaction. Hope it helps and wishing you the best!