New Grad dilema

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You know what is so ironic, my wife JUST SAID THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT LEAVING HERE. After she suggested that I move to Blogger, she also said that I would not receive the great feedback that I have from a few of you. She seems to think that the past 50 postings, as you said LOL, between you and I have been in some way beneficial and I more than likely won't find that once I leave.

You are correct, I need to have a thick skin about this, but I have just been taken back by the extreme negativity. My post last night wasn't about competition and "who is better" it was about unprovoked disrespect as a whole. I never once put down anyone and nor will I. I never once said I was superior and nor will I. I never once said that my training here is equal to or better than the training of a civilian RN. I am very aware of the transfer out into the "real world" and I am very aware of the education I will need to continue to persue to end up where I want to be in the medical field.

I don't know, maybe I will just stay here and keep my discussions and questions limited to a you and a few select others. My wife seems to think that is a good idea but also encourages me to blog as well, simply because it all helps.

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Yes, do not leave. If you post long enough here, you will receive those kind of responses. Ignore those and focus on the responses that benefit you. I have learned a great deal from allnurses, and I know that I will continue to visit allnurses during nursing school although I will be limited on time. That being said, stay awhile,:)

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Thank you MFRANCISCO, I HAVE changed my mind on leaving the forum. Both my wife and New2ERNursing have made very valid points and encouraged me to stick around and now w/your words as well, I think it WILL be beneficial to stay!

Thanks :)

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Specializes in PACU,Trauma ICU,CVICU,Med-Surg,EENT.

Hi,

I've just come across this thread today; it's been very interesting to read all of the great ideas,suggestions,and personal experiences that have been put forth here by people who've taken the time to post their thoughts. I thought I'd just leave one or two comments,for what they are worth.

I'll preface them by saying that I've been an hospital based RN for thirty years now -all but the first five years have been spent in various ICUs. The reason why I've stumbled upon this thread is because this morning I interviewed for my first ED job (to complement my .6 in PACU.) The commute (mass transit) to this job is ~ an hour+ each way); the ED job is right in my community and that was one of the major reasons why I've always wanted to work there. So I totally get the wanting to avoid a long commute. If I end up loving ED nursing,who knows, perhaps I'll leave PACU,though I DO love it.

I,too,when I read your original post,New2ERNursing,thought, as someone else had,that it sounded as though you already knew the answer - the one that was going to work for you and your fiance. That is MAJOR. Good for you! Listening to oneself. Really listening, and by that I mean paying attention to our emotional as well as physical self- is crucial. I wish I had known that 25 years ago, unfortunately I did not,and I suffered the aftereffects of serious stress, effects that continue to cause problems for me to this very day.

If nothing else,I have learned this lesson very well,and the hard way, in my 30 years as an RN. In my 20s when I thought I knew it all,or perhaps it was just that I hadn't yet developed the maturity to appreciate that the physical and emotional self mirrors what is going on in ones life - it never crossed my mind that my job choice could significantly and negatively impact the quality of my life (AND that of my family). Not just in measurable ways,like time spent away from loved ones,but also in emotional and physical symptoms that one may never associate with how one makes a living.

Symptoms such as difficulty sleeping or staying asleep,irritability (an extremely important sign), memory,concentration and focus issues,weight gain,depression,& burnout,and fatigue that interferes with life- "I'm just too tired" or "I just don't have the time" to exercise,carry on with a social life,make healthy food choices. I SO wish I'd known this stuff when I was in my 20s as a new RN;in my 30s juggling roles as new mom to mom of three,wife,and nurse. I spent my days running around (trying to catch my tail,so to speak) from one physical task to another (either at home or on the job),giving absolutely NO thought to listening/paying attention/being aware of what my body and my emotional self were desperately trying to tell me.

Inevitable as the tide,life changes,and so it is very likely that our work-home-family checks and balances will require adjustment as well. Every day,we choose to either pay attention or choose not to pay attention to signs (it's true: "signs,signs,everywhere there's signs") :)

The other comment I had was in response to a belief expressed here and shared by many people that there is such a concept as 'forever' or 'the future'. Part of the quote was " 3 months or a little more apart, we still have FOREVER."

Again,for what it's worth to anyone reading this, the experiences I've lived in 5+ decades have communicated a different message to me (I'm not here to change anyone's mind about this; just sharing what I have learned thus far.) And it is this: the concept of 'Forever' is an illusion. It does not exist.We are not promised another day - we are not even promised 'tomorrow'. The world is filled with examples of people who put off making changes that would make TODAY better in favour waiting until "next year", "when I turn 50", " when I retire",or "when the mortgage is paid off". Those illusions,those days - may never come. I don't mean that one shouldn't make plans for the future or look forward to an upcoming time in ones life, but the living of life should be in the present day -the choices made carefully balancing the quality of 'today' with the quality you imagine, but are not promised,of 'tomorrow'.

Now,realistically,tomorrow will come.Many of us will even get to enjoy retirement.And, of course it's important to live each day with the hope that tomorrow,and next Sunday,and your tenth wedding anniversary,etc will come to pass. My point is not that we're meant to stumble through life,anxiety ridden as to how long our life will last - that would be a grim and pointless way to live; my point is that it is equally important not to suffer through life in the present day,thinking we can 'hang on' until some arbitrary day comes when all will be balanced out,when our suffering/hard choices/deprivation -whatever you want to call it -will all have been worthwhile.

A dear friend said to me,after losing her husband far too early,years before they had a chance to enjoy their golden years together: "Don't save the good dishes for a special occasion - make any day a special occasion". Don't save the living part of life up for you will never have it back again. A friend whose husband insisted on retaining a high paying job in the international off shore oil industry spent his children's entire growing up years away from them for most of the time,while watching his wife parent alone and do without his help, companionship, and support -all for the higher income he could provide for his family. A noble thought,to be sure,but do you really think,if asked,his children wouldn't have chosen to have their dad in their lives instead of great clothes and a beautiful home?

I have had three two nursing colleagues and a dear friend (who also was a nurse) cash in their forever cards early (I'm being silly with that reference) - two died before they could use a penny of their hard earned retirement income,and the other,the dearest friend I've ever had, died at the age of 28 -while on maternity leave from her CCU position. Her babies were 3 years old and 5 months old - there was no forever for her.And there isn't for us. It's just an illusion.

In closing,I want to make sure that anyone reading this understands that I am simply sharing what I have learned so far; I mean neither overt or hidden offense in my words. And, in case anyone thinks "huh,a know-it-all"....the only thing I do know is that the more I learn,the more I realize I have yet to learn. :)

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Well said All4Seasons! I enjoyed reading your post, you made a lot of sense and a lot of good points. I especially like the last line: "the only thing I do know is that the more I learn,the more I realize I have yet to learn". I get exactly what you are saying there and I wish there were more people out there with an open mind like yours. No one "knows everything" and if they THINK they do, then they have so much more to learn.

Also, you are right, forever is NOT promised and when I said that I guess I was not thinking in that sense. I too know how it feels to have somene close to you loose their lives way to young. Both my wife and I had a close friend pass away not long after he graduated high school due to a motorcycle accident, we both had a friend pass away in his early 20's due to a car accident, and my friend lost a very close friend the year after she graduated due to a car accident as well, so you would think we of all people should KNOW life isn't promised forever. I guess my point was that even though you need to follow heart and find your passion in life, you can't always have the perfect balance of career and time with family. I spend close to 3 months at a time away from my wife and children whild serving in the military. I guess my point to New2ERNursing was that I would take 3 days over 3 months anytime, because trust me, I would.

You made a lot of sense and after all of the experience and years you have in this profession, your words carry a lot of weight.

If no one else took anything away from your post, I did. Thank you :)

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side note: I just read what I posted above and as you can see, my 48+ hours of no sleep due to being on the range this week, then on call last night handling an attempted suicide, then clinic and classes today has really caught up with me and my grammer not to mention my spelling :bugeyes: oh well, I hope you understood what I was trying to say. I will make one correction "and my friend lost a very close friend the year after she graduated due to a car accident as well", I meant my WIFE lost a very close friend of hers the year after they graduated. I guess I need some sleep in a major way!

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Oh NO DOUBT, I'm glad that I can be as much of a help to you and anyone else on here as you and a few others have been to me. I've taken in all of the advice and shared experiences, and it has helped me straighten out my thoughts in a big way. My wife really encouraged me to stick around and get to get passed all the negativity that was sent my way, it's like she said, you would think I WOULD be a little better at taking that sort of thing seeing how I AM in the MILITARY! You don't exactly get handled with kid gloves for sure around here.

I think this site can and has been a lot of help, even the negative feed back, because all it does is push me personally that much harder to NOT give up and go the extra mile. I didn't start this journey for nothing and I know my passion lies in this field of work.

I even shared a link to this particular forum on one of my social networks so that some of my fellow Corpsmen can get the same great advice and guidence that I have received. I figure, if someone was nice enough to share this site w/me, I should try to do the same for those out there that may be having the same struggles that I am having and seeking the same advice that I seek.

So with a swift kick back into reality from my lovely wife who basically told me to get over myself and after stepping back and calming down for a sec, yeah I decided I'm sticking around. Besides, I told you I'd keep you up to date on my shadowing experiences when I go home in the fall, right? :p I know once I get there, I will prob. have a few more questions or seek a little more advice, why not come back to the few that DO want to help and encourage others?

Have you started your new job yet? If so, how is it going?

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