Need to vent

[nurse_clown]

I have really come to appreciate this website. It's informative and supportive.

I'm an R.N. I have two part time jobs which keeps me really busy. I've had a real bad week.

1. I don't know how but, I hurt my back. I think it was from my dog who is still a puppy and quite and "ongoing concern." I thought I fixed it yesterday when I bent over to fill up my water jug and felt a "pop". Now I'm back to the same pain I was two days ago. (Sigh...) I didn't injure my back at work so, I have to work like this. The patients are getting heavier and and the acuity has increased.

2. I come from a cultural background (I'm aboriginal) and right now the Friendship Center is going through a hard time. The community has divided and they are fighting each other. There's a lot of politics going on that I don't understand and I just went to a community meeting. They should us how they intended to prevent people from gaining membership. It's real sad. I blew up at the meeting and told everyone to get on with thier lives and start getting along. I just got up and started yelling. It's so embarassing to admitt that my native community is acting like children and being so political. I'm not too sure I should have done that. Now I look like a raving leunatic. But I wont apologize for my behaviour. What I said, had to be said.

3. I'm adopted. I was adopted when I was four. I've met my birth family and it wasn't a good experience. My birth mother and two sisters have "disowned" me. I got over that but it sure hurt like hell. I'm unable to say their names without the emotions creeping up on me. All hell broke loose when one of my sisters tried to kill her husband and then herself. Didn't work. They were superficial wounds.... I stepped in to help with the children and as a result, the legal fighting started and poof!!! I was no longer related to any of them. Now, my cousin from that side of the family is having problems with the child welfare agency. He just recieved court papers. The society wants crown wardship of the baby. He assumed that I would drive him around to court. I have to work the night before and can't do it. He told my sister (the one I was adopted with) that I had "better behave" because my birth mother is going. I also had to do something else or I'd be disowned too. He knew exactly what he was saying when he said it. He knew how much it upset me when my birth family turned their back on me.

4. The job situation isn't all that bad. I'm just sick of all the petty fighting and back stabbing, gossiping etc. etc. I don't talk about anyone at work. I don't get my nose into their business. I just focus on my patients and work. The other night I heard that the other night shift RN was talking bad about me. She said that I sign for my treatments but I don't do them. Now, that's a serious allegation. Not to mention that it is untrue. I respected her too. But she's no different than anyone else.

5. My daughter isn't getting along with her dad. He has a new girlfriend and my girl is very jealous. He's been cutting back on his visitation with her. I think he's just lost his mind. He gave up his apartment because he "doesn't feel like paying rent." Now, he's not working. He's falling behind on child support payments and I have a feeling that I wont get any child support in a few months. My poor daughter cries at the thought of going to her dad's. I told her that since she's almost 10, she can decide if she wants to go with her dad or not. And deep in my heart, I hope she stays home. I don't get much time with her since I'm working so much.

6. A couple years ago, I was assaulted by a former patient. I was stalked ever since then. Lately, I've been seeing more and more of him and his friends. It's more of an annoyance than anything and I'd prefer just to put the whole thing behind me. But he keeps showing up everywhere. On my way home from work, I stop at the Tim Hortons drive through. It's pretty busy, so I park my car and go inside. I kept seeing his friends. They would just drive by the window and just sit there and look at me. I know they are trying to intimidate me. So, I started changing the locations I go to. But they always find me. I wonder if they wait for me to leave work. This is harassment!! I feel like smashing their windows and telling them to go away!

So, I'm feeling real tired and spent. I don't have anymore positive emotion for anyone. I feel like crawling into my bed and staying there for a period of 10 days. I don't understand why there's ppl out there that just want others to feel bad. I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that my cousing was so willing to just toss me away if I didn't do what he wanted.

Anyway, I AM venting. When I get to work, I can only focus on what I'm doing. (I have ADD). It's getting harder. I contacted the EAP for some emergency counselling but I'm on a two month waiting list... thanx.... I know a lot of what I'm complaining about is not "nurse-related". I find myself involved with so many challenges this week. It's sunday night and I know that I have to pull up my bootstraps and do something about it.... whatever it is.... I don't know wether or not to cry, be mad, get depressed.... I am angry that ppl keep dumping on me. I am real upset that ppl who are supposed to be family are trying to destroy me. It hurts my gut. I feel like I'm getting an ulcer.

I am just venting.... I'll be okay. I'll most likely show up at my doctors office and vent to her. I have to work an eight hour shift tonight and a twelve hour shift tomorrow night at the hospital. The rest of the week is eight hour shifts at the nursing home.

[KannRN]

Its actually good that you are venting here; you are definetely overwhelmed with all of these situations going on. There is nothing to feel bad about either, about being overwhelmed! Being proactive for yourself is THE thing to do, so focus on

Taking a time out, rest, bubble bath, whatever for yourself

And if emergency counseling is a two month wait and is the only option in your area, then definetely make an appt. to see your family doctor who may be able to direct you to someone who can see you and help you sooner. Meanwhile, take it one day at a time and only deal with priorities....that for now is YOU and your child. Good luck!

[ceecel.dee, MSN, RN]

Wow, you have alot on your plate!

Do you have some supportive people in your life? Spend some quality time with them.

It sounds like you need to spend some time doing something very nice and caring for yourself too!

You are spread very thin, and I am worried about you and your daughter.

Are you trying to do too much?

You sound like a nurse...trying to take care of everyone, and putting yourself last. It also sounds like this may not be working very well for you right now.

I'm sending a (((hug))) for you. Please take care.

[EmmyBP]

Well, OK. Take a deep breath........

you sure have a lot going on.

I have been having some issues lately-

made an appt to see my counceler,

and she gave me a wonderful cliche-

well everyone's heard of 'One day at a time'

if your having a really hard time it's difficult to even focus on 'days'

so when your feeling like that - "One foot in front of the other" (and the body always follows)

might be more appropriate.

Please try to get in and talk to someone, and take some time out for yourself.

BREATH...... best of luck to you