Need help with letter of intent!

[mcicale2]

Hi,

I am about to send in my application and I just finished my letter of intent. I did research and people mainly said to write from your heart so that is what i did, and im happy with it. But i wasnt sure if it was enough. Can someone read it for me and tell me what you think?? Thanks in advance!!

When I was determining my career path while in high school, I knew that I wanted to help people. I originally chose teaching as career choice and was accepted to an Elementary Education Program at Bloomsburg University. While I loved the feeling of pursuing a career in which I would be changing the lives of children, I felt as if I was not challenged in the program. I also felt I did not have the passion for teaching as the rest of my classmates. Upon deep reflection of where to go, I thought back to what subjects I loved while in high school and I remembered my original goal, to help change lives. I remember my high school AP Biology class and loving every minute of it, and I knew a major of Biology would be perfect for me.

I started reflecting on careers in which I could see myself excelling, and I remembered my mother's battle with breast cancer. I saw her close relationships with the nursing staff and how they uplifted her spirits every time she had to go for chemotherapy treatments. My mother battled breast cancer when I was a senior in high school, and endured intense chemotherapy sessions. The nurses in the ward accompanied her during these treatments; helping her stay calm and helping her to know that she was not alone. I knew that this was what I wanted to do; I knew that I wanted to help people in any way that I could, and nursing would be the perfect fit for me.

When I determined that I wanted to go into the nursing field, it was too late for me to transfer into another program without setting my undergraduate degree back several years. I decided to continue with my Biology undergraduate degree at Kutztown University and started looking at programs I could complete after my undergraduate graduation. DeSales is a perfect fit for me as I am very dedicated to making my dream come true. This accelerated degree program will allow me to achieve my goal of becoming a nurse sooner than any other comparable programs. My Biology and Health Career related courses challenge me, and I love to be challenged. I have found my passion for my future career, and nothing will stop me from achieving my dream.

All aspects and avenues of nursing excites and interests me. I can see myself working in emergency medicine, maternity, intensive care, trauma, cardiology, or in cancer treatment. I am determined to get my second degree in Nursing from DeSales University. I am dedicated to achieving this dream and one day helping someone like the nurses helped and cared for my mother almost five years ago. Upon completion of my BSN through DeSales University, I plan to work in a hospital setting for several years. Professionally, I would like to work in the field and later return to school to gain a Masters degree in Nursing and further my career as a Nurse Practitioner.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

moved for improved response.