I am a oncology nurse my job is to help patients through the disease process without judgement. Sometimes that is soooo hard, and sometimes no matter how hard you try not to get involved, no matter how hard you try to stay objective you get sucked into the patients life so when it comes time for the final curtain or even close to that time your heart cries along with the patients family as if you are truely loosing a good friend.
I have a 28 year old cervical cancer patient who is pretty much in renal faliure at this time. The hospice nurse called the clinic today saying the patient has not been feeling well for the past 2 days and has little or no output from her nephrostomy tubes. We told her to send her in and we would probally admit her to check and/or replace the tubes. She looked weak when she came in via ambulance, but she was alert, articulate, oriented and cooperative. Her labs gave the full truth K= 7.5, BiCarb=14, Creat= 19.9 (when a few weeks ago it was 1.9). Basically everything was out of wack.
As the doctor looked at the labs he said and I quote "We are looking at the labs of a dead person!"
This is a pateint who has a husband and two very young children.
I have been holding back on tears since we admitted her. I called to check on her about 9pm and was told the doctor and nurse were with her at that time and I should call back later to talk to her nurse if I wanted.
Sometimes this is sooooooo hard. She is 28 years old!!!! The worst part of this is it could have been avoided if she had taken care of the problem when it first showed up as a bad pap when she was 19. But she chose to ignore the certified letters urging her back to clinic to take care of the problem. SO now she is dying.
Don't get me wrong I love my job, but times like these are so hard. It doesn't matter if the patient is 28 or 82 it is still hard. I feel so helpless. All I can do I guess is do my job to the best of my ability and hope that I have somehow made a difference however small in the patient's life. Because I know she has made a difference in mine. I will never forget her.
So before you lay your head down to sleep tonight please say a prayer for this patient that she simply falls a sleep. Say a prayer for her young children who will have to grow up with out her, and for her young husband who now has to raise his family without his wife.
Thank you for allowing me this forum to have a place to vent when it is needed.
