My first week as an NP

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I have no idea what I'm doing. I work for a private practice. The doctor is nice, but he's super busy. I've been "shadowing" him for a week for my first week and he's showing me the charting, what he does with the paper charts, but it's so overwhelming He introduces me as his associate, Dr ____ (even though I'm not). I've never had an NP job. Everyone keeps saying it'll take time to adjust, and I'll be fine, even the doctor. His documentation is super detailed and insane. I sometimes see the pt first and then he comes in after and fixes all my charting. I'm just standing around there like a jack@$$ sometimes not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing because I think I'm still supposed to be shadowing him but he's doing his paperwork. It's a huge change from being an RN. I feel so anxious when I wake up because everything is so new. I actually moved 4 hours away to get a job so everything is so new.

I hate it. I've been seeing pts on my own now, and the doc doesn't come in till late now. Sometimes he doesn't show up at all. It's been a bit over 2 months, my fiance says I look miserable all the time now. She said I'm not the same person I was before. If I have questions, I have to excuse myself and go call him. I hate it, just thinking about it makes me wanna cry. I'm stuck here though. A lot of it is still paper charting, and I hate flipping through stacks of paper from consults, hospital visits, etc.. and I can tell the patients don't habe confidence in me, probably because I don't have confidence in myself. I never thought I'd say third but I miss being an RN. I wanna stick it out, buy I don't wanna be miserable. I regret taking this job and have started applying to other places. Idk if it will get better, but I don't see a light at the end ood the tunnel. I've been so depressed since I started. Idk what to do, I've never been so miserable uh my life. I feel broken. Also, the doc is on vacation right now, so I have to ask the covering doctor for help when I need to. I'm just so overwhelmed, and so not happy.

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