Me Mudder

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

When me prayers were poorly said

Who tucked me in me widdle bed

And spanked me till me orifice was red,

Me Mudder!

Who took me from me cozy cot

And put me on the ice cold pot

And made me pee when I could not,

Me Mudder!

And when the morning light would come

And in me crib me dribbled some

Who wiped me tiny widdle bum,

Me Mudder!

Who would me hair so neatly part

And hug me gently to her heart

Who sometimes squeezed me till me fart,

Me Mudder!

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit

And nearly have a king size fit

When in me Sunday pants me s*** ,

Me Mudder!

When at night her bed did squeak

Me raised me head to have a peek

Who yelled at me to go to sleep,

Me Fadder!