Looking for peers on the nurse monitoring program

[twolegpeg]

I just signed on to a 5 - year monitoring program with the OSBN. Ironically, today is my one year birthday in recovery from alcoholism. I find myself with many mixed emotions. First is anger, then fear , resentment, all those ingredients that can add to a relapse, which obviously is the worst thing I could do now. I checked myself into CD rehab on sept. 4th 2008, for two weeks, then after that got heavily involved in AA , working the steps. I called the BON to let them know I entered rehab on advice from a case worker. Then, eight months later, I got called in for investigation of this matter. Long story short, I "volunteered" for the NMP. I've accepted that it is my alcoholism that got me in this place, I guess I'm just fighting lots of anger right now at having to check in every day for five years to see if i need to pee in a cup. I feel like I'm on "house arrest". I know, I'm lucky I have my license, and this is a public safety issue. It's just that I feel in a way I'm getting punished for trying to do the right thing in the first place. I had an excellent work record, was one of I'm sure many nurses who got really good at keeping their problem a secret (i.e. only drinking on "off" hours, never drinking on a shift or in the morning, etc) i did everything i thought was the right thing to do. I am angry, afraid, most of all feel alone. Just looking for support from other nurses in this program. Thanks for reading my long story! Peggy

[duff77]

I too was in the NMP in oregon. I did EVERYTHING they told me to do. I actually became good friends with my monitor-person. I would not change anything about that 5 years. I too was angry for the first 2 years, then I became really interested in addiction and tried to learn everything I could. Remember they could have taken your license, your livelihood, and dignity away. Someday you may be able to help another sister nurse. I have many times....

[centralORnurse]

I would love to chat with you! After reading your story, I could swear you had written my story; the two are so similar it is scary! My sobriety date is 11/23/09 and was a self-referral to treatment for alcoholism~like you, I failed to read the 'fine print' and 'volunteered' to sign up for the NMP.

I see your post is dated Sept '09, so am very curious how you are doing in the program and if it is still working for you?

Compliance=Accountability

[zigzagkate78]

I'm in the monitoring program also. Close to the end, but may have to be extended. Wanted to say hi and offer support. How are all doing now?