Long post ahead...

Published Aug 20, 2020

9 Posts

Hi everyone, like the title says this will be a long post so bare with me. I’m currently about 6 months into being an RN, I started at the beginning of March.

So for background, I was a CNA/tech for about four years before I became a nurse. My most recent job was in a NICU, where I loved my job and loved going into work every day. I also had an internship my final semester of school in a medical ICU at the same hospital. I was offered a job in both departments, and took the job in the medical ICU as I thought the job would give me more opportunities, even though I loved my job as a tech in the NICU. For my MICU job, I was told I would have a new grad residency and then be on orientation for 12 weeks.
Also for background, I’ve had two shoulder surgeries on my left shoulder. Keep this in mind.

I started my job at the beginning of March. My first week was normal, and then COVID happened. I live in what was a hotspot when the first surge happened. As you can imagine it just got crazy. After six weeks I was taken off orientation and made into a normal nurse role just to handle the surge of patients. I essentially supported the “real” ICU nurses. I saw some horrible things. I had nightmares almost every night. It was hard.

Eventually I was put back on orientation for about two more weeks, then told I was on my own. At that point I really had only seen COVID patients as a nurse. I had really only done “disaster” protocol charting. I asked for a longer orientation but they wouldn’t give it to me.

As you can imagine it was really rough at the beginning off orientation, but I’ve adjusted some and now it’s just rough. I don’t like my job. I’m downright bitter about it. On my days I have off (that I’m not sleeping trying to recover from working a night shift), I’m dreading going into work. The day leading up to my night shift I have a pit in my stomach all day. I’m learning a lot and I’m working with a great team, but I just don’t like it. I have to take sleeping pills on days I don’t work in order to sleep, and I’ve been drinking more just to cope with me being sad and anxious all the time. Also, my shoulder hurts me every single day. I know I’m using my other shoulder to compensate a bit, because a few weeks ago I hurt the brachial nerve on the other one. I didn’t think it would bother me this much, but it does.

A few nurses and techs from the NICU have reached out to me, unprompted, and asked me to come back. That there is an open position and they want me.

Every day I’m at work, even on the days that are better, I wish I had taken a position in the NICU. But I know that you should stay at your first nursing job for a year before switching jobs.

Would I be totally screwing myself and look horrible to switching jobs so early? My body physically and mentally are suffering horribly, but I also don’t want to put my entire career in jeopardy.