Leaving my job due to OCD .. nurses want me to lie .. I feel so much guilt always and afraid someone will die because of me

[Anxiousandafraid]

So I’ve decided to go PRN. I’m such a thorough black and white thinker … meaning I can see a patient walking , talking doing everything perfectly and I feel compelled to still document if their respirations are 8… I literally can not write a RR I haven’t literally counted. I have ocd. My nurses get annoyed with me due to documenting accurately. I’ve LITERALLY had nurses day .. “no don’t document that … put something normal … just put 18” . I legit spend my days off dreading going back to work out of fear that I’ll have abnormal vitals to report or the nurse will think I’m stupid. I get how people can have trauma from the workplace. It’s a joke at my job that I’m the only one counting RRs. Someone will have 18 for days UNTIL income to work and now it’ll be “12,10,14” because I’ll literally count. NOW we have Epic and I love that in a sense I still can cover  myself by leaving a note but may not chart the low rate in the value field alerting the system but still leaving a note. I told nurse patient with perfectly other fine vitals had low RR .. (didn’t tell how many I counted .. just said low ) … nurse had literally just come out of the room talking to patient when I told this. I said I’d reasses when patient slept. Nurse said “oh he’s fine , not in distress. RR will be 20” … later when patient  slept I DID reassess and it was 10… patient seemed to just have a baseline of breathing slow .. and actually breathed slower while awake. Anyway … is this unethical to leave a note in the system instead of charting the value especially if nurse had spoken to patient and didn’t seem concerned ? I know sooo many nurses that admit to not counting at ALL and I genuinely think they’d be surprised the one day they did count because for ME the patients that have low RR are usually the ones that have normal vitals , walking and talking just fine. I admit I can see the frustration that they feel for me when I document low numbers that the system will flag. IDK at this point what to do to not have a bad working relationship with all my nurses …I genuinely feel a HUGE responsibility like the one time I omit a low RR someone will die because of me. I literally feel that kind of pressure over a respiration. Even now I’m feeling heavy guilt ALTHOUGH I left a note but my anxiety is like “well people think you’re silly for documenting low numbers so they wouldn’t have taken it that serious … but maybe if you documented the 8 while patient was awake someone could’ve intervened or something “.. patient was discharged the next day and again seemed fine… am I overthinking to think “patient may go home and die because maybe the low breathing rate was an indicator of something bad about to happen and I could’ve been the one to possibly trigger the indication for them to assess more … or am I being dramatic ? And yes , I agree I need therapy (figured I’d say it before anyone else says it. )