Lack of purpose

[Diprovan]

Hey there, I'm a recent grad RN working in a Med/Surg/Cardiac ICU in a suburban community hospital. I've been working here almost a year and I have to say, I'm pretty dissatisfied. I feel like most nights, I serve no purpose. Let me explain...

Before nursing school, I worked as a tech in the ER of a busy Level I Trauma center. Prior to that, I had been a web designer and while I enjoyed the work, I left at the end of the day feeling like I hadn't really done anything significant. I didn't feel that way in the ER. I felt like I was needed and that I had purpose. I went to nursing school and decided that I wanted to work in the ICU and eventually go back and become an NP working in the ICU or some other kind of inpatient setting. So, I took this job thinking it would give me a good foundation of ICU nursing because it's not a super specialized unit and gets a little of everything.

Here's the problem...most nights all I do is chart. Not only that, but I compare my charting to the other nurses and mine is so much more detailed. I've been told that I don't need to work as hard (ha! I hardly feel like I'm working at all!!). I feel like no one is even reading what I write, so any purpose there is out the window. Most nights, there is no change in my patients. I give report in the morning to the nurse that I got report from the day before and I feel like I have to think of things to say, otherwise report would be, "they're just how you left them." I literally try to stay awake all night and chart. I feel like a babysitter. Now, on the odd night when there is a code in house or my patient is really sick (definitely the exception, not the norm) I feel like it was important for me to be there. Most nights, I'm just filling a spot on a report sheet.

We have no docs at night. So, no orders are written. I've been told that the goal is not have to call for anything. Leave the docs alone all night. The docs round late in the morning, so no one asks for my opinion, they talk to day shift. I've tried picking up overtime shifts in other ICUs that are more specialized, including an Open Heart unit. It's the same. Night shift is just babysitting for the most part.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else feel this way? I went into nursing to have MORE purpose, not less. At least when I did web design I had a sense of accomplishment. It might not have had noble purpose to it, but I did SOMETHING.

Because I want to go back to school, I've been told to stick with ICU for the experience. If I went to day shift (provided I could find an opening) I'd be busier, but it'd be a big pay cut and I'd hardly get to see my kids as they go to bed around 7pm and get up around 7am. So, I'd go days without getting to see them.

I've thought about going to the ER, at least for a year or so, until I can move to a busier hospital with sicker patients or make a day shift work, or get into grad school. I don't really know what the answer is. I think as guys, so much of our worth is tied up in what we do. I know that my work provides for my family, but I feel like I need more. Am I alone?

[xcoprn]

I think you answered your own question when you said, " I didn't feel that way in the ER.".

Currently work in the ER, I know how you feel.

[Diprovan]

I think you answered your own question when you said, " I didn't feel that way in the ER.".

Currently work in the ER, I know how you feel.

I think a big part of it is night shift. That combined with the lower acuity of a community hospital. Also, it seems like most of our patients are 70+ and it's frustrating having all the patients having a million preexisting conditions (mostly from lifestyle) and then when we do get someone really sick, they make them a DNR and go with comfort care only. Probably the best for the patient, but frustrating for me.