Jokes told by nursing home resident.

[lpn_teresa]

This joke was told to me by an 89 yr old male resident in the first nursing home I worked in after my LPN graduation in 1997. I almost fell out I was laughing so hard.

An old jewish married couple had been having difficulty in their bedroom affairs, so the old woman told her husband, dear perhaps you should go in to see the doctor. The husband complied and went to the doctor.

When the old man came home, his wife met him at the door and asked " dear, what did the doctor have to say?" The husband replied "well, the doctor told me I had a case of the herpies." The old woman ran and grabbed her dictionary and looked up herpies and then began to laugh. Dear husband she stated " that doctor must be some kind of crackpot, you can't possibly have the herpies, it states right here in the book that herpies is a disease of the gentiles.

This joke came from an 87 yr old female resident of the same nursing home.

An old woman was racing down the hallway in her wheelchair when out of a room ahead rolled a man in a wheelchair. The man hollered "Stop! In the name of the law." The old lady stopped and the old man informed her that he would have to issue her a speeding ticket. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an empty gum wrapper and handed it to her then told her to slow it down.

The next day the exact same thing happed and the old man in the wheelchair informed her that if there was a third infraction of the speed limit the penalty would be worse.

On the third day, here comes granny again, racing down the hallway and again was stopped in the name of the law by the old man in his wheelchair. The old man tells her, look, I've given you three warnings and still you brake the speed limit in my hallway.

With this, the old man reaches down and unzips his pants. The old lady looks at the old man and say's "Oh crap, not the breathalizer again.

This came from a 76 year old female resident , same nursing home.

Whats 25 feet long and smells like urine?

A country line dance at a nursing home.:) :) :)

[alwaysthere]

This came from a rehab pt in his eighties.

When someone hands you a peice of sandpaper in Afghanistan, What is it?

A: A map.

[lpn_teresa]

Wow alwaysthere,

You look killer goth but it's totally cool. You wear it well. That look is so pychiatric nurse, not rehab. Awesome.

Joke told recently to me by a 76 year old at my new place of work in Manila, Ark.

How do you circumcise an Arkansas redneck?.......

Kick his sister in the mouth.

Now isn't that just too much. I never know what will come out of the mouths of the grandma's and grandpa's of the world I work in once they begin to go through the second childhood like stage. Some times they are just a ripping hoot. Ha!Ha!

[alwaysthere]

Teresa, I spent three years in dementia/phsych. Loved the work, Loved the Pt.'s. Would love to be able to do it again! And probably will after i get my lpn