I've lost my joy (AKA NICU heartbreak)

[Gamecock73]

I began nursing school not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I was working a dead-end data entry job, and all I really knew was that I wanted to do something far more enriching with my career. I really didn't enjoy my clinicals. Big adult bodies in a bed. Until I had one wonderful day allotted for NICU as part of my OB/Peds rotation. I expected nothing more than just another check mark on my clinical signoff sheet.

But I found something wonderful.

Although I didn't do anything extraordinary that day, I was entranced by these nurses caring for such tiny fragile bodies. I talked with a mother who came in to feed her baby (and it happened that she was a new nurse). We bonded, and I remembered her when she came in to visit a family member who was sick in the unit I joined after graduation. The nurses I met in NICU that day left such a mark on me. I knew immediately, like Goldilocks, I'd found my perfect fit. And I was comforted. Because while I might have to toil away on a med-surg unit for a while, given the right experience, I too could help these babies go home and be healthy.

Flash-forward 5 years.

I have been working various acuity levels of adult med-surg for almost 5 years. I absolutely hate it. The closest I get to job satisfaction is when I nail a difficult skill, or a cognizant patient/family remembers me. Every job I've taken has been with an eye toward getting me into NICU.

I finally got the call last month, after applying for every opening that popped up and writing letter after letter of interest. Although I'd worked the night before, I hopped on the chance of an interview like a drowning person would fight to grab hold of a rope.

The interview went great, although with my fatigue level, I was really fighting to be articulate. I felt I'd done well. I had former colleagues and co-workers currently in NICU lobbying for me.

In the end, I got a form email. "Decided to pursue other candidates". I am so hurt and bitter over this. I don't know if I need to grow up and "put my big girl panties on", forget about NICU, and find some other specialty that interests me or throw in the towel on bedside nursing altogether and go back to school for a degree that will prepare me for a management position in nursing or something else altogether.

Needless to say, I feel terrible at the moment. I just want to work my hours each week and be done, and that's a lousy attitude to have. I still care about my patients, but I feel like my motivation is gone. It doesn't help when we have a management staff at present that micro-manages and only tells you about the things that are wrong. I know I feel unmotivated and so I'm pushing myself to care more (and show it), but I just feel like I'm stuck in a downward spiral at the moment. Are there any current NICU nurses out there who can help me see light at the end of the tunnel?

[mudd68]

I can't tell you what to do. I can tell you that I am very satisfied in my current position as a telehealth triage RN. The number of times I bid on my position before I landed an interview? 4 times. When I did get an interview...I was 5 months pregnant and feeling very discouraged. Who would want to hire someone going on maternity leave not long after orientation? Well, here I am 4 years later. Good luck in whatever you decide to persue!

[jnick31]

Sounds like you are just burned out on your current floor and want nothing to do with them. I've been there... no fun at all. I wasn't hired in the NICU until my 5th application and 3rd interview. All with the same manager/unit. If NICU is where you want to be then please keep applying. And do it with a smile. :) (unless you're not excited to work there) I love my job (almost) every day. This is the first job I've had in a very long time that I don't mind when the alarm goes off in the AM. or PM Love the babies and it's easy to pick up extras if I need to because of the joy that I feel caring for them. Micro managing will never go away no matter what unit/floor you work on... but when you love your patients enough it makes it a little easier to handle. :) good luck!

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

Seems like it takes more than one try to get a NICU job.

[Postpartum RN]

Please don't give up!! Keep trying for your dream, when (not IF) you get there, then you can decide if you want to go back to school for management or what.

I have been a nurse for 6.5years, have had several jobs and now I am in acute on medsurg/tele; my dream is to be in post partum and I know that I am one step closer now! I am miserable in my medsurg job, but I know that one day I will get to post partum. So many times I get soo frustrated, so I understand how you feel...please don't give up and continue applying and applying, and networking! Maybe your manager can contact the nicu manager to recommend you? Whatever will help...good luck!

[tallynurse]

NICU can be really hard to get into sometimes but if you think that's where you're meant to be don't give up. I would say call or email the manager you interviewed with, thank them for taking the time to interview and consider you and then ask if there's anything you can do to help better your chances for next time. Some suggest getting a post-partum job so you get to know well babies, some say Peds. Maybe she can suggest some certifications they like their nurses to have. But don't give up. I interviewed in my first NICU in June, thought I was going to get it and then was told they only had 2 positions instead of 3 and I was the 3rd. Spent the next 3 months applying to every NICU in the state of FL and southern GA and was about to give up and look for post partum when the manager I had interviewed with called saying they had another position come open if I was still interested. And while you're waiting, continue to be the best in you're current unit. I was hired as a new grad and I really think the only reason I was was because I made sure to impress my manager and coworkers in the PACU as a nurse extern. Which lead to my manager bugging the NICU manager to hire me. It'll happen, don't throw in the towel yet.