I've lost all my confidence

[nurseypants328, BSN, APN]

I think I hate nursing.... well, i don't hate nursing, i don't think, i just hate where I work. Do you think a hospital can actually MAKE you a bad nurse? I have been a nurse for almost 5 years now. I love being a nurse. I love my patients. I do not love where I work, I do not love how I feel when I go to work now, I've become nervous and constantly second guess myself now.

I worked at a different hospital right out of nursing school. I left because it was very far from home, i worked night shift, and knew i needed to look for something closer when I fell asleep behind the wheel once. SO. I got hired at a hospital closer to home, and switched to day shift. Mind you... I had done so well at my first hospital, I was a charge nurse. I knew what was going on at our hospital, our policies, I was confident, and felt like I knew what I was doing, confident... Still tough as a newer nurse, but I felt good about myself. I felt comfortable training new nurses and teaching them how to take care of patients.

Fast forward to the new hospital... the unit I was hired on to was a little different than my previous so I had to learn to take care of some different patients (vents/trachs, chest tubes, different kinds of drips). Things seemed chaotic, and kind of unorganized. It was difficult to understand all of the policies and what qualified a patient to be on the floor (its a mix of a PCU/tele floor). I have been there a few years now and nothing has changed in terms of the chaos.... what has changed a lot tho, is me. I am constantly worked to the max. Constantly struggling to keep up with the work. I made my first ever medication error (we are all human, and no one was hurt thankfully, but it still kicks you in the ego), had my first ever depo (completely terrifying and makes you question you're whole life!)... all in 2 years... It's really shaken me to the core. I am a nervous person now. I know its happened to thousands of nurses before, and I've talked to some of the most experienced nurses I know and the same things have happened to them, but its made me on edge about everything. I never had the jitters when i went to work like a lot of people did when they first became a nurse, but 4 years later, i have them. I DONT FEEL SAFE THERE!! I have refused to precept also. I have little, to no support at work, the nurses are amazing, and some of my great friends, we are a great team, but our management is just despicable. They care nothing about what goes on on the floor. we tell them constantly about the struggles we have and the changes we want to make and we are ignored. I was asked frequently when i first started there how they could improve the unit, everytime i suggested something, i was shot down. So now i really don't say much. They love to come out to the station and bring negativity and stress.

I am considering leaving the floor because of this, I want a desk job again, i need a break... But I would love to be able to find something else that I can feel confident in again. I was thinking of case management, or going into the OR maybe... I have been asked many times to transfer to ICU which flatters me but, you'll never be able to convince a nurse who is lacking in confidence that she would be a great ICU nurse. I can't feel comfortable being the highest level of care until i feel like I can OFFER the highest level of care. BLURG. i am just so overwhelmed with frustration and sadness and confusion, i don't know what to do?! Anyone have this happen before? If i leave, i can't guarantee that another hospital would be better... Any suggestions??

[tcvnurse, BSN, RN]

Here's the thing. When you start on a floor like yours, you don't realize that the grass is a LOT greener on the other side. I could have written this post a few years ago. I ultimately transitioned to the cardiac surgery ICU because I love that patient population, and really needed a change from where I was.

You have more support in the ICU. Items you need are right at the bedside. I feel like the teamwork is MUCH MUCH better in the ICU. I'm not going to say it's easier than what you're currently doing. But it's a DIFFERENT kind of hard.

You will know every little thing about your one or two patients. You provide most of the care. (Like you want to but can't on the acute care floor.) Doctors or NPs are generally within arms reach.

You may find your passion for nursing rekindled, and your career going in new directions as you learn more than you ever imagined.

I will tell you this, what a good friend told me when I was questioning whether I had the chops for the ICU:

If you can take care of 5-6 patients on the PCU/tele floor, you can manage one patient with 6 drips no problem.

[nurseypants328, BSN, APN]

You make a very valid point. Thank you for sharing. I've been toying with the idea for a while. A lot of our nurses have transferred over there. They say is "calmer" in a different kind of way, . i may have to give it a try. Working on a tele floor like ours is such a challange and I'm glad I've done it. Just definitely time for a change.