Is my mama having depression or dementia+

shal · Jan 17, 2004

It's hard telling whether you are dealing with depression or dementia with mom. Sometimes Depression causes something called pseudodementia. I would recommend a visit to your local neuropsychologist to help determine what you are dealing with. based on the info you get from a neuropsych eval or psych eval you'll be able to make some decisions regarding your next step with mom ie medication, extra help at home etc.

Your dad is most likely feeling overwhelmed with your mother and may be a bit depressed himself from being in such a negative environment. Once you get mom straightened out it may help dad considerably. If not you can address your concerns with him. Your mom sounds as if she needs help the most out of the 2 of them.

Speculating · Jan 17, 2004

Originally posted by florry
Hello everyone out there!

I am a geriatric spec. nurse and have had a job for 7 year about diagnosing - together with a MD - and find out what kind of deciese is this: depression or dementia or both, - and of coures all the undergroups.

Its 14 years since I quit that job now. And now I have been a relative to my momy.

She is angry, complaining, forgethful (but not that much- sometimes- and its very supprising because she got so angry then!

I have been - and stil are a professional nurse- but not in geriatrics. And now I am a relative!

I can see that my father is suffering. Yesterday I called the family-doctor behind her back and told him that I am worried about her.
He could tell me that he has planned some homevisit next week, because the problems mamy and dady complained to him for was totally different. I dont no what kind of problems, og course; he could not tell, but the situation at home is horrible! I cant remember her saying something positive the last yearl She has dhanged, and my dady wants to live the good life with television. good food ( he is to much overweight, and dont care about excercising, but he is satisfied), and mamy is controlling everything he is doing, complainging, telling him how fat he is and more ugly things.

YES: I DID GO BEHIND THEIR BACK, AND I AM FEELING GUILTY! Anyone with same excperience? What would you do? I could have written much more, but this is the essesence. We are 4 children, and my oldest brother said to me: "What is wrong with mamy- she is lost..."I told him what I have done. Mamy is 68 and dady nearly 70 years. We "children" are grown ups with partners, jobs, children and are doing well.

Please help me!

From your writing, I don't think I'm seeing what it is you're trying to express. From your illustration - dementia No, she may be depressed but a great deal of negativity doesn't get you a diagnosis of depression. Be careful about going behind her back resentment isn't going to help you fix her. If she ends up feeling like she can't trust you, this may hinder any future intervention.

florry · Jan 17, 2004

Yes, I can see that I am not good expressing the real issue; its about my bad English..

1) Yes, I have gone behind her back, and I feel guilty. That is one problem because the future intervention you mentioned and so on. BUT the family doctor was very glad that I called him and told MY version of the st0ry, because he had cathced that it was something wrong here. And he told me that comparent information is very important in such a delicate case. I told him how I had seen the shanged in her mood and behavior since she quit her job as a academic lector, AND THAT I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT HER: WILLING THE BEST: MAYBE ANTIDEPRESSIVA OR SOMETHING THAT CAN PREVENT DEMENTIAL

2) I also got support from the National dementia team; my motive was helping her, even I can see the trust can be desturbed.

3) Itried to explain some episode that were complicated at home, between my parents, and is destroying dadys life.

Sorry, if I seemed confused, the worst thing for me is to go behind her back, but I had a good intension...

Speculating · Jan 17, 2004

Originally posted by florry
Yes, I can see that I am not good expressing the real issue; its about my bad English..

1) Yes, I have gone behind her back, and I feel guilty. That is one problem because the future intervention you mentioned and so on. BUT the family doctor was very glad that I called him and told MY version of the st0ry, because he had cathced that it was something wrong here. And he told me that comparent information is very important in such a delicate case. I told him how I had seen the shanged in her mood and behavior since she quit her job as a academic lector, AND THAT I WAS CONCERNED ABOUT HER: WILLING THE BEST: MAYBE ANTIDEPRESSIVA OR SOMETHING THAT CAN PREVENT DEMENTIAL

2) I also got support from the National dementia team; my motive was helping her, even I can see the trust can be desturbed.

3) Itried to explain some episode that were complicated at home, between my parents, and is destroying dadys life.

Sorry, if I seemed confused, the worst thing for me is to go behind her back, but I had a good intension...

Florry, I apologize if I came across as chastising you for going behind your mother's back. That was by no means my intention. I would do exactly the same in your situation. I'm really not feeling dementia here though. I think it all become quite clear to me that we are dealing with r/o depression when you stated that your issues became evident when she quit he vocation as an academic lector. Going from such a prestigious job as a academic lector to retirement situation is a major change in lifestyle, and if it's one she really deep down didn't want to do then I feel her negativity. Good luck to you I hope you can get mom feeling better soon for everyones sake especially dad's. Take Care.

florry · Jan 17, 2004

'dear 'speculating!

Oh, dont apologize! I am so glad that you did some questions! I was unclear, and wanted to hear other opinions, I so i did. Also it helped me to be more excactly in explaining the story and my worry! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it means a lot to me!

regards:kiss

Speculating · Jan 17, 2004

Originally posted by florry
'dear 'speculating!

Oh, dont apologize! I am so glad that you did some questions! I was unclear, and wanted to hear other opinions, I so i did. Also it helped me to be more excactly in explaining the story and my worry! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it means a lot to me!
regards:kiss

My pleasure Florry. Illiness is a difficult thing to deal with for most people especially when it hits so close to home.

adrienurse, LPN · Jan 17, 2004

sometimes you have to make difficult decisions for the safety of your loved ones.

It's very difficult to say whether this is dementia or depression. It may be a bit of each. Only a doctor can diagnose this -- or even better, a psychogeriatrician. There are many physical conditions that can mimic the symptoms that you are describing. Metabolic conditions, hypothyroidism, vitamin B12 deficiancy, folate deficiency. These should all be ruled out. Dementia is generally not something that happens suddenly.

florry · Jan 17, 2004

Dear adrienurse!

Yes, I see, and the doctor could tell me that he had taken "all blood-tests" that are assosiated with dementia, and everything was normal: even thyroidea, wich I suggest for her to take (and she then said yes, I will, and when she came from the doctor she denyes it, and said she forgot...)

When the MD is visiting them at home: they would find a "perfect" home, cleaned and everything in order (dady is doing that), so I am looking forward to getting some information, he said he will follow up and orient me.

In one way I hope it is depression (only), because the prognosis is better than dementia, but it could be both. It seems to me that you have a lot of knowledge and experience, and if its ok I will write to you again!' Tell me if its not ok! 'and thank you for reading this and giving advize.

'from Florry

florry · Jan 27, 2004

Hello again!

I can tell you that the MD has visited my parents residens, and the way I found out, was when dady drived me home (he and me alone) after skiing. He said that mammy the last year has been terrifieing that dady should die (because he has adipositas, high BT, hipreplacement and other medical problems).

He also told me that since I have had such a huge medical problemes; ovarieetomi/hysterectomi and gall bladder surgerey, and a very severe sort of migraine: Cluster, she has been very sad, but didtnt tell me; only shouted at me and dady.

No i understand more about the situation and her reaction. Ideally we should sit down and talk togehter, but we are not that close family.

My mamy complained of a constandtly headache; an the MD used the situation to take MRI, and today shei id doing it, without me knowing it, but my father told me. Thats a start, I think, and as you have said before its MD. task to find the diagnosis. But I care about them, and are worriend, - as a daughter.

I am looking forward to the MRI answer; to exclude some diagonses, and we will see what happens nect.

Thank you everyone!

From Florry:)