I was fired recently for diversion of opiates from my job ICU in GA. HR called me into the office and started explaining things, and I just cut them off and said I was diverting. I now wish I hadn't confessed so easily, but I thought being honest would help me (it did not). They had video evidence and vials I had filled with half saline and put the tops back on, so I knew they had me. I obviously have a problem and want to get treatment. I'm 14 days sober right now.
I have been talking to all the recommended people and my understanding is typically in a case like this my license will be put on probation for 5 years and I'll have to be drug/alcohol tested bi-monthly and go to meetings weekly, get an assessment, follow those recommendations, report quarterly, etc.
I'm really mad at myself because I stopped multiple times and just couldn't stay stopped. I've been a critical care nurse for 10 years. It's not always what I thought it would be and is a second career choice after graduating during the great 2008 recession and everyone being laid off. I went back to school for nursing to mainly help people but also for the security and the flexibility. There are many aspects of nursing I love, but many I have become very disillusioned with as well.
I haven't started the program yet but I know it is life consuming. The probation status makes it very difficult to get a job. I have two very small kids at home (3 and less) and am honestly pretty confident that I would be successful at doing something else. Something that, well frankly, pays better (8$ raise in 4 years is unheard of in almost any other field, but nursing we're supposed to be grateful for it?), doesn't take my weekends and holidays and doesn't require me getting kicked at at yelled at by people. My brother got a cert online and has worked remote for Lowe's for only 3 years and he's about to pass what I make, working from home, not putting foleys in people who are trying to claw your eyes out.
My heath is my top concern. I need therapy for anll the traumatic things that led me here (SA at 6) and counseling and I know I'll never touch an IV pain med if I'm not around it. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to work, be a good mom, and do everything the program asks of me. My issue has never been alcohol and I can't even have wine next year on a planned trip to Europe? I know I made a huge mistake. I guess I'm just wondering if it's worth it? Has anyone made their license inactive or allowed it to be revoked? I may want to come back to nursing one day, but my kids will only be little for a little and I don't want to be beholden to not going camping for their Spring break/ on vacation away from a place that could test me/ finding childcare on short notice if needed for a 5 year program for a job that has honestly burned me out and made me jaded.
I'm also worried if I do this they may come after me criminally? Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this? I'm trying to think of a way they could just suspend my license and allow me to pay for my own tests and go to treatment how I see fit for my wellness and maybe get it reinstated at a later date? I just don't know if I love nursing enough to do all this. I don't know and now I'm just rambling. Thoughts?
Specializes in Critical Care, ER and Administration.
Nursebae2024 said:
@JohnHood hello I saw you state there was a ICU nurse that you knew that was caught diverting and she was retained by the hospital? Does that mean she kept her job? If so what was her stipulations did they move her to a new unit ? Could she still pass meds ?
I'm not sure. I left the position due to my health shortly after this. I do know that when I came back to another position, the nurse was working in EMR and had no access to drugs.
JB C, thank you for your multiple responses, to my question and other people's. I do think you may have misunderstood. I never in my post said I wasn't going to go to rehab. I'm currently in rehab. As Healer555 correctly read, I was asking about not going back to nursing. The stress, time away from family, relatively low pay compared to years spent in the job, and many other factors have created a general disillusionment with it. Certainly not all, but many older nurses I know, (many in the groups I'm currently attending and many I've known from my work experience) aren't healthy emotionally or physically to be honest, addict or not. If it's not alcohol or narcs it's food, or caffeine, or nicotine, or sex, or gambling, etc. I am not blaming medicine for my poor choices, but I don't think it's crazy to wonder if some of the intense trauma (10 years ICU and ER), covid pandemic, understaffing, overcrowding, lack of debriefing, etc. all present in critical care have played a role. I don't think it's crazy to consider doing something else. Nursing is what I do, not who I am.
As far as the alcohol goes I can and have gone a long time without drinking. I got a pEth blood test on entrance to the rehab and it was completely negative (shows alcohol use over a month-negative usually means 2 or less drinks in the past month). I'm just saying I don't know if I want to get 6 months added to a consent order because I have a glass of wine on vacation in France, and I'm not sure I want to not have that wine because some board of some job I don't know if I love says I can't. It seems like a lot of monitoring for a job I'm not sure I love, or at times even like. My issue was pharmaceutical grade Fentanyl specifically, which is not uncommon (per the doctors in my rehab). I think if I were to remove the risk of being around the substance at all I would feel safe.
I can tell you're very passionate about what you believe, and I appreciate your concern. It is frustrating to hear that you think I'll relapse or overdose if I don't follow what a nursing board who doesn't know me at all, who isn't actually following evidence based practice or using individual care plans in their consent orders, says I should do. My doctors in the rehab I'm currently in are saying either choice is OK, as long as I get treatment and pursue what I would like to do. I also understand the cognitive dissonance that plays into this, if someone does spend years jumping through hoops to get their nursing license back/off parole, they probably can't allow themselves to think of a world where someone didn't choose to do that and could also be healthy. I do think there are more ways to be healthy and sober than doing exactly what the BON says. I'm learning all about addiction and based on the notion that putting pressure on an addict could trigger a relapse, I do wonder how much the nursing boards care about us as individuals because those programs are full of pressure. Their job is to protect the public though and I understand that. One day at a time. It seems like there is just as much judgement in the world of recovery based on how you choose to recover. If I go to a rehab that fits me but isn't PHP, and I stay sober for 5 years, or 10 years, or 15 years, does that not prove I can do it? I'm trying not to become bitter about it, but so many nurses say "there's hope" and then tell you the only hope is to do it exactly their way, adding to my disillusionment with the field even more.
I did speak with a lawyer, he said criminal charges are always a possibility, consent order or not, but if you have been getting treatment (because the BON told you to or because you chose to), most prosecutors won't pursue them because it won't be a very impressive case. Especially if you're in a monitoring program OR if you make your license inactive and are in treatment. Either you're being monitored daily and can't practice in certain areas of high risk, or you don't have a license and are therefore not a risk. He was a DA and he said the DA's job is to get the bad guys off the street and most wouldn't want to pursue a case that will probably become a misdemeanor or be settled in fines. That's not really considered a "big win" for them.
Healer555, my brother has a bachelors degree and had a job in his field (business), but got laid off a little after lockdown. He got a "data analyst" certification through Google. There are a lot of jobs in that area now. He works remote 4/5 days. He started at 80K 2 years ago and is already at 94K, way past me and my 10 years of back breaking labor. Lowe's wants the cert mainly but they want you also to have a degree (of any kind-BSNs included). He's being head hunted by 2 other companies now, both offering him 6 figures and full benefits. He said on his first day his boss told him "hey if you ever get too stressed or anything just let me know and take a personal day, no one is going to die if this is turned in late". I mean, can you imagine?
any update on your story? where are you now with the BON or criminal charges? do you still have your nursing license?
One case manager told us that monitoring is punitive. It really meant a lot to have someone simply acknowledge that, like a weight off my shoulders.
That said, if you can afford not to work, or can get a job that makes equal to/greater than what you made as a nurse then monitoring may not be worth it. I think everyone goes through a phase when they want to chuck nursing altogether. Eventually, when you get back to working, your feelings will change. It will still be a burden, but mostly background noise after a while.
One case manager told us that monitoring is punitive. It really meant a lot to have someone simply acknowledge that, like a weight off my shoulders.
That said, if you can afford not to work, or can get a job that makes equal to/greater than what you made as a nurse then monitoring may not be worth it. I think everyone goes through a phase when they want to chuck nursing altogether. Eventually, when you get back to working, your feelings will change. It will still be a burden, but mostly background noise after a while.
Good points. My case manager never told me personally that monitoring was punitive, but I didn't care. I avoided my case managers and the BON at all cost by keeping my head down. Whether it's punitive or not, It Is What It Is. It's not fun. My best advice is, avoid contact if possible. Don't miss check in's. Don't do substances. Turn in monthly and quarterly reports on Time. For nurses that do this, they may go up to a year at a time without hearing from their case manager. I spoke to my case manager 4 times in monitoring. Once at the beginning. 2 times during the 5 year period via phone, and 1 time at the end to close my case/finalize monitoring. Why only 4 times? I read the guidelines placed by my program, communicated via email, and just kept my head down. When you don't miss check in's, you don't do substances, and your turn in your reports on time, there's really not much to talk about.
@CoffeeYogaNurse Curious where you're at now? I am also thinking about giving up nursing altogether. But I've had difficulty even getting interviews for jobs without experience.
JohnHood, BSN
74 Posts
I'm not sure. I left the position due to my health shortly after this. I do know that when I came back to another position, the nurse was working in EMR and had no access to drugs.