In NICU, but I want to quit Nursing completely

[Cali_foRNia]

I am tired of waiting to see if one day my mindset about nursing will change one day. I began my career two years ago in postpartum. Sometimes I would get floated to Med/Surg. It was not the most ideal place to begin my career because it was a very small community hospital. I did not receive a good orientation process. The coworkers would treat each other nicely then talk crap about each other behind their backs. The older nurses would treat us younger ones terribly. I absolutely hated floating to Med/Surg. Postpartum was fine. However, we had a very low patient census in OB which did not allow me to experience what it is like to take on a full patient load. We did not take high risk patients so I never had to work with patients on Magnesium therapy or on high risk meds. The doctors would never put in their orders and would get upset when I would call them for clarification purposes. I knew that if I went to a different hospital and applied for the same position that they would see me as an experienced nurse and that they would expect me to work at a higher standard. So I decided that it would be best for me to go into a different department so that I could receive more training.

After two years of working there, the hospital decided to cut out the department because the patient census was so low. I really wasn't that upset about it because I figured that if I go to a bigger hospital with better training opportunities that I would grow to love nursing. I recently signed on to work in the NICU at a very prestigious hospital. They are going to not only train me but also give me in-class instruction.

A group of us new nurses were supposed to begin classes during the first week but the nurse educator wasn't able to finalize the schedule so we ended up on the floor just to get a feel for the unit. After being on the small baby unit for only two shift, I realized that NICU is not the place for me either. It also did not help that I experienced a code on my second shift. Seeing and handling the babies has made me so depressed. I thought I would love it because I had loved working with the babies from my postpartum experience. I did not realized how it would affect me emotionally. After experiencing the code, I went home so traumatized. I did not have to go back to work until 3 days later; and I thought it would be enough time for me to get over it, but the emotional strain is still there. I want to quit already. I have kept telling myself to just give it some time, that I will be taking classes first with minimal time on the floor, and that I will not be on my own on the floor yet. But, I just can't shake this emotional unrest.

My plan for now is to try and make it to one year in the NICU and then to transfer to another job within the same hospital such as a case manager or a non-bedside position, but that time seems so far away and I do not know if I can make it. I have thought about quitting nursing altogether because I have realized that this career path was never intended for me. I only wish that I had known this sooner when I was in nursing school so that I could do something else with my life instead of dreading going to work every day.

I want to quit so bad, but I know that this would not be fair to the other workers or the hospital. I have not idea what to do except tough it out. On my days off, I can't stop reflecting on what I have experienced . I can't relax. I can't calm down. I can't wait for 50 more weeks to pass.

[Soliloquy, MSN, APRN, NP]

People leave nursing like they do every other field.

As someone who for years kept trying to convince myself of the value of "sticking it out", I won't say that to anyone else. If it's unbearable for you, search your soul, figure out why, and let it go. Something better for you can, will, and does come along.

[NurseGirl525, ASN, RN]

You have to realize, ICU is a unit for the most critically ill and you are going to experience much death in it. Including NICU. NICU is not just babies that are born too small and go home in a few weeks. You will see codes.

You will experience death in any hospital setting. They happen on the floor at my hospital but more often in the ICUs.

Maybe outpatient would be better for you. If not, maybe another field of work is in order. But I think if you really spent time and researched and looked, you could find a specialty to suit you.