I'm afraid of child birth!

rn/writer, RN · Nov 2, 2008

Here are a couple of things that might help you.

Understand that the pain of childbirth is not the same as the pain of trauma. Yes, it can definitely hurt, but some of the "noise" is nature's way of helping the mother put power behind the pushing. This kind of pain is usually temporary and should not be equated with traumatic pain that comes with the damage, say, from a car accident or a gunshot wound.

Talk to women who have given birth. Most will tell you that the pain dropped dramatically the second that baby emerged. This is pain for a purpose. I don't know of a single woman who did not think her suffering was worth whatever pain she experienced.

I have a daughter who had a very difficult lady partsl birth in August. The baby's head was kind of sideways and this resulted in internal tearing and a protracted pushing period. Once he was born, she cried with joy that he was okay. Her own pain receded into the background and just didn't seem that important anymore.

Try watching the Discovery programs with the sound off. It may be that it's the sound that bothers you more than anything else. Watch the change that takes place once the baby is born. It's amazing how a woman can go from screaming in agony to laughing with joy and gratitude in the space of a minute or two.

Ask yourself if there is some kind of pain--physical, emotional, or spiritual--that you are afraid of or that you are repressing. It can hit "too close to home" when you watch someone else expressing something you are trying to hold in.

Fear of pain can hurt just as much as pain itself. Terror brings its own kind of hurt.

I hope you are able to figure out a way to calm your spirit and be able to participate in the whole childbirth scene. I guarantee you will be enriched by seeing new life come into the world.

Please, let us know if there's any way we can help.

PLM311 · Nov 2, 2008

WOW! Thank you so much. That was really helpful. I will def. try watching my discovery programs w/out sound. I guess what happens as I am watching programs like Life in the ER or Maternity Ward is that I imagine that I am experiencing whatever the patient is going through. How can I separate myself? Not become emotionally detached but stop imagining that I am experiencing the pain...Does that make sense? Am I crazy?

rn/writer, RN · Nov 2, 2008

WOW! Thank you so much. That was really helpful. I will def. try watching my discovery programs w/out sound. I guess what happens as I am watching programs like Life in the ER or Maternity Ward is that I imagine that I am experiencing whatever the patient is going through. How can I separate myself? Not become emotionally detached but stop imagining that I am experiencing the pain...Does that make sense? Am I crazy?

You aren't crazy. Just sensitive.

It sounds like you are running from this imaginary pain and perhaps tensing up to avoid feeling it. My suggestion is that you deliberately choose to stop running. Watch one of the birth programs and consciously monitor your own reactions. Are you tightening up and "fighting" the pain you fear? If so, that can hurt all by itself.

Do some slow deep breathing and let yourself relax and feel the pain. This is what laboring women have to do. Go with it instead of fighting the feelings and becoming all wired and rigid.

As your muscles (and brain) loosen, you may find that the pain you feared is not at all what you expected. And not a monster to be feared.

Breathe along with the TV women. Rub your belly. Stretch and flex. Let your body and your mind meet in a good place where you are no longer scared to pieces by frightening sensations.

This is pretty much what happened when Dr. Lamaze started teaching pregnant women about the birth process. When they learned how to "ride out" their contractions and they understood what their bodies were trying to accomplish, the pain that was generated by fear fell away and allowed them to handle the discomfort that was left in a much less traumatic fashion.

As you let yourself watch birth shows with less and less fear and apprehension, you may find that you are really enjoying the stories and the families. And, who knows, you may someday develop a real knack for giving calm and sensitive care to laboring women.

I admire you for facing this fear.

PLM311 · Nov 3, 2008

You aren't crazy. Just sensitive.
It sounds like you are running from this imaginary pain and perhaps tensing up to avoid feeling it. My suggestion is that you deliberately choose to stop running. Watch one of the birth programs and consciously monitor your own reactions. Are you tightening up and "fighting" the pain you fear? If so, that can hurt all by itself.
Do some slow deep breathing and let yourself relax and feel the pain. This is what laboring women have to do. Go with it instead of fighting the feelings and becoming all wired and rigid.
As your muscles (and brain) loosen, you may find that the pain you feared is not at all what you expected. And not a monster to be feared.
Breathe along with the TV women. Rub your belly. Stretch and flex. Let your body and your mind meet in a good place where you are no longer scared to pieces by frightening sensations.
This is pretty much what happened when Dr. Lamaze started teaching pregnant women about the birth process. When they learned how to "ride out" their contractions and they understood what their bodies were trying to accomplish, the pain that was generated by fear fell away and allowed them to handle the discomfort that was left in a much less traumatic fashion.
As you let yourself watch birth shows with less and less fear and apprehension, you may find that you are really enjoying the stories and the families. And, who knows, you may someday develop a real knack for giving calm and sensitive care to laboring women.
I admire you for facing this fear.

Wow you hit the nail on the head! I do find myself cringing and "fighting" the pain! But at the same time I love watching the story of how the two people ended up together and are now starting a family. I think there is something I might be running from, I just don't know what. I will try out your suggestions for sure. Thanks so much for teh encouragement. OMG, I'm so glad I found this website!