If you were writing this....

Why do surgery or emergency interest you? I'd put a little more than "I'm looking for a change". There has to be a reason why those areas are what you are gravitating toward.

Also, I'd change "personal growth and development" to "professional growth and development."

I would also leave out the details of where you are right now- that should be covered in your resume. I'd just say "long term care" in the cover letter and leave it at that.

Hope these help.

Oh, I forgot to add: if there is any way possible, find out the name and title of the person who will get the letter. Using that would be better than the generic "sir or ma'am" although you don't always have access to that information.

When I write cover letters I usually do not include reasons why I am leaving the place where I work. I say something like

Dear sir/Madam (preferably find out the name of director)

My name is so and so, I am a registered nurse in .... with X years of experience. I am interested in position of ... in your facility. " .. name of facility..." is known in our community for it's values in practive, excellence of care and was referred to as a loyal employer by other nurses who work there. I believe my experience, dedication and personal character will make a great contribution to your work setting or something of that sort.

and so on.

Good luck!

Natasha

This is what I wrote:

Sir or Ma'am,

I am currently looking for a change in nursing. I am truly torn to be leaving the facility where I am currently employed. However in the intrest of professional growth and developement, I must seek out a new direction in nursing. I am intrested in meeting with you and exploring the possibility of my new professional direction being in Surgery or Emergency Medical Services. I am attracted to the faster paced work environment associated with Emergency Medical Services. I am attracted to the acute care and strict monitoring required by surgical patients. I feel I would be an asset in either of those areas. Please call me so we can set up a time and date convienent for us to talk.

Thanks so much for your time,

How is that revision?

Having done a lot of hiring (including nurses) and read a lot of resume's, I think your letter contains a lot of unnecessary language, something which employers hate to have to pick their way through. Don't try to substitute language for experience; no employer is going to be impressed by such.

You either meet their experience requirements or you don't. If you don't, no volume of verbage is going to impress them. If you do and they need ER personnel, lots of verbage won't make much difference either. Most ER's want at least 2 years of nursing experience but not all; it can depend on the availability of nurses meeting their experience requirements. Long term care nursing may not be the kind of experience a lot of ER's are looking for. You might want to first get another year of experience in another specialty like ICU. If ER is where you want to be, long term care doesn't look like a logical way to get there. Just my thoughts.

Frankly, if I were doing the hiring, I'd be more impressed with something like:

Dear xxxxx,

I received my BSN (or whatever) from ___________ in _________ and have been working for the last _____ years in long term care at _________. I am very enthusiastic about emergency room nursing and would very much like to speak with you about any ER opportunities you have available.

Don't forget to use spell check, too. No one wants to hire a nurse who cannot spell or one who is not computer literate.

Thanks, I appreciate the input... I was mostly lost. I have never been good at writing a cover letter.

I haven't done any hiring but I think the original letter is too wordy. I have also heard less is more in some cases. Good luck!