am I wrong to be upset with this resident?

[Ms.RN]

okay. so here is the scenerio. i work in ltc and i have a male resident who always visits a female resident who is confused and have behavior problems due to her dementia. he visits her room everyday and talk to her. today this lady patient was in the dining room waiting for her dinner tray. all of a sudden, this male resident came to the dining room and told her to come to her room. for some reason it upsetted me, first because i'm trying to encourage her to eat in the dining room instead of alone in her room and second i didnt like him flirting with her all the time. so i told him to stop taking her to her room. was i wrong?? i mean i know they are adults and i have no business of seperating them or prevent them from seeing each other but on the other hand i feel like i have to protect this lady patient. please help!!!

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

Is the visitor another resident? If so, you may be infringing on "resident rights"...however, if not, and you asked the visitor to wait for a few moments while you had the resident eat dinner and he refused...then maybe there is a issue. But if the female resident enjoys his company, even through the dementia...then it becomes another issue.

You are there to protect the resident...but acting like a gatekeeper may backfire on you.

[Ms.RN]

is the visitor another resident? if so, you may be infringing on "resident rights".

yes, this male visiotor is a patient of this ltc facility.

[infectionRN]

To protect yourself as well as the resident, call the female resident's family and inform them of the situation. Family would be very upset if something were to happen to her, not to mention the state would be in there so fast. Continue to pass the scenerio on in report as well as charting. Talk with your social worker regarding this, they always come up with good ideas.

[TopazLover, BSN, RN]

Is the male resident one with dementia also? Can he be approached calmly and asked to visit between meals?

Is your problem that you are uncomfortable about what might be happening in the room?

Are both considered competent?

If she enjoys his company and her behavior improves with his talks, perhaps you are worried needlessly. Could they eat together in the dining room?

I have more questions than anything. I am glad you are concerned, think through what you are really concerned about. Can you give us anymore info?:typing

[Ms.RN]

is the male resident one with dementia also? can he be approached calmly and asked to visit between meals?

is your problem that you are uncomfortable about what might be happening in the room?

are both considered competent?

if she enjoys his company and her behavior improves with his talks, perhaps you are worried needlessly. could they eat together in the dining room?

this male resident does not have dementia and he is not confused at all. he is fully competent to make a decision for himself. the problem i have is he is a flirter, he flirts with alot of lady patients. this lady patient enjoys his company and likes talking to him and her behavior improves with his visits. once while i was passing in the hallways i saw him raise his hand to touch her then withdrew his hand when he saw me passing by..

this lady rarely eat her meals in the dining room. most of time she eats in her room alone. she came to the dining room only once or twice since she came to this facility. so i was happy to see her in the dining room then this male residents came to the dining and took her back to her room, and that kinda upsetted me. why cant they eat together in the dining room???? i guess i overreacted a little. like i said, they are both adults and if she likes their friendship i dont think i have no business of preventing it. right???

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

If you have reason to be suspicious that he will take advantage of her sexually, and the touching is a good clue, you must get your charge involved STAT.

[romantic, BSN, RN]

is he is a flirter, he flirts with alot of lady patients. this lady patient enjoys his company and likes talking to him and her behavior improves with his visits. once while i was passing in the hallways i saw him raise his hand to touch her then withdrew his hand when he saw me passing by..

i think i understand your concerns. you want to protect this lady, even though she is an adult, because she is confused while that man is in perfect mind. confused person is like a child. you feel that he might be using her condition in his own selfish purposes.

if i interpreted your message correctly, in this case, i think i would feel the same. can you talk with this man as "a man to man" -- i would do it. i would ask him to stop playing games with her.

[JB2007, ASN, RN]

If you have reason to be suspicious that he will take advantage of her sexually, and the touching is a good clue, you must get your charge involved STAT.

I would have to agree with Sue. You need to get the charge nurse involved ASAP. Leave a message for the DON also. This is not a matter to just brush under the carpet if this man is making sexual advances towards this woman. Due to the womans dementia and confusion I do not know if she is able to consent to sexual acts. This is not something that a floor nurse sould deal with on their own.

[nightmare, RN]

I have had this situation several times.Get the female patients family involved!Document what their wishes are for her,they may be OK with it,if they are not then draw up a plan.Such as the male patient is not allowed in her room alone.They may met in the public areas,such as dining room,sitting room etc.The male patient has to be spoken too by senior staff and made aware of relatives wishes and the boundaries drawn up.In most cases a dementia patient is not able to consent to intimate relations with another patient through reasons of mental incapacity.(Bearing in mind I'm in a different Country but the situation is the same)

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

Nope...not wrong at all. I'm sure some of the DNS we have on this board would agree and give great input.

[pumpkin92356]

I think it becomes very easy to forget that some residents still have feelings for the opposite sex. You know that old saying "Snow on the rooftop doesnt mean there isnt a fire still in the furnace" but I would definitely make sure it was documented and the families were made aware and almost pay special attention to whats going on when they are together alone. They do have privacy rights you know. Worked at a facility once where two residents male and female fell in love and they were always trying to be with each other and when they were found to be attemping sexual acts the families decided they should get married and they did and lived the rest of their lives together happy and sharing their room together.:heartbeat:D

pumpkin92356