Last night, I dreampt that a patient, who was my age, called me and asked me if I wanted to go "hang out" just like any of my girlfriends would.
This patient died over a year ago. Died a slow, painful death after being a patient on my floor for several months. I watched her go from a bubbly, optimistic young adult to a ventilated shell of a person in mutli-system organ failure.
We probably could have been friends in another life. In a life where I wasn't the nurse and she wasn't the patient. In a life where her prognosis, which started in the single digits, didn't slip more each day with each new sore or abnormal lab result. In a world where cancer doesn't exist.
I thought about her a lot initially. Her death really bothered me given the proximity of our ages, given the hope I knew she had, and given that she is to date the youngest patient I have lost. Her family is still very involved in fund raising, causing me to be reminded of them occasionally, but I haven't thought about her much lately. And I'm never thought about her as a friend.
It bothers me that after such a long time, my subconscious is still obviously trying to cope. It also admittedly bothers me that someone who's dead asked me to "hang out."
So what do you think? Anyone ever have this happen to them? Am I losing it?
amazing - I read this post today a few hours after having a conversation in my head with a dead doctor. He used to come to our floor almost every day and was killed in an MVA years ago, but I still think about him. And some patients. I am glad to see that this lady touched you in some way. Try to live like someone would want to think about you after you are gone. Have you read "The Shack" yet?
I just read "The Shack" two weeks ago. It was one of the most powerful books I'd ever read, couldn't put it down.
Yeah, I dream about work a lot. Either that I fell asleep at work and forgot to do a ton of things, or that one of my coworkers became my patient and they're judging my nursing, or I'll be sleeping at home and wake up and look at the clock and think, "Holy crap, I have this and this and this due at this time!" before I realize I'm home.
This dream kinda stuck out. I'll have to look into The Shack.
getoverit, BSN, RN, EMT-P
432 Posts
I just read "The Shack" two weeks ago. It was one of the most powerful books I'd ever read, couldn't put it down.