I think my clinical instructor hates me

[nhstudent91]

I am currently going through my first med-surg clinical, in my 3rd year of a BSN program. I have only had a psych clinical before this, but that did not include giving any meds or doing any assessments whatsoever. So this clinical is very intense compared to anything I've done before. Even though I know the procedures, it is still very exciting and nervewracking to be actually doing this stuff to a real live actual person, not just a sim doll.

Anyways, there is a teacher that I have had for two previous courses, both hands- on labs. In the first class, she was very friendly and helpful. She showed us extra things, let us use the sim dolls which weren't specifically for the course, and was generally very nice, albeit a little materialistic and gossipy (her husband is a surgeon, and she would always talk about getting pedicures and going shopping). It didn't really bother me because it never affected how she was as a teacher or grader.

My second class with her was a simulation course that was very intense and a difficult experience for all of us students. This is when I started to realize that she didn't like me, and she started to play "favorites" (she treated the 6 people in the first class equally, but in this class there were many students). We have things called OSKYs which are basically clinical skills tests, graded pass/fail. I had trouble with these. I found out that she had passed two students who made a mistake- the same mistake that she failed me for. After she failed me, she then gave me a 5 minute rant about how I was "wasting her time." She was always very cross with me and unfriendly, although in large crowds she would always say "hi" very enthusiastic with a cheerful, almost fake smile.

Now she is my clinical instructor. I was ready to do my best and take all the things she criticized me for (time management, being prepared, being assertive) and change them. However, I feel that she is unfairly critical towards me in comparison with my fellow students. For example, she told me that I needed to be more independent when it came to charting, but I saw her helping other students step- by- step and being happy about it (laughing with them, etc.). Also, she told me I needed to "step it up" because I didn't ask my patient how he liked to take his pills (crushed or whole). When I asked the other students how they prepared for giving meds, they said "she basically did everything for me," and seemed dumbfounded that she was so harsh. We leave for lunch at 1100 (only because my CI wants to) but my patient was speaking with the discharge doctor (he was going to discharge soon), and I got yelled at for poor time management skills because I wanted to wait to take vitals (they weren't even due to be taken for another hour, and he was being closely monitored by me). I wasn't even the only student holding her up, but the other people confirmed that she never said anything to them about being late. I take responsibility for making my instructor late, but my thinking in that moment was that the doctor's information and discharge planning were more important than my early set of vitals.

She has taken me aside and told me that I need to "step it up" because she expects more from me and I should expect more from myself. No one else in my clinical group has ever been spoken to like this, and I always ask them what they are doing so that I know if there is something I'm NOT doing, but there doesn't really seem to be. Unfortunately, the patients she assigns me are never super complicated- they never have Foleys, drains, or other things that take up the other students' time (maybe I should be thankful!). I actually spend a little more time with my patients than the average student, who tend to hide in the documentation area and chat with each other (my RN mommy taught me well!).

I just feel so defeated because I feel like I can never win no matter what. I have tried to step it up every week, but almost every week she finds something new to criticize me about. I really want to be a nurse and everything else about my clinical has been so amazing, but I am nervous trusting my grade to someone who seems to be so critical.

What should I do? Should I talk to my med-surg teacher? Should I suck it up?

[LCinTraining]

Hmmm. I'd suck up as much as you can but if you do get to a point you feel you need to talk to her, do it respectfully. Have evidence. But still be respectful.

However, she says she expects more out of you. This is a compliment. It almost sounds like she is pushing you. Perhaps she sees some of herself in you and it makes her anxious. But from your limited description it does seem like, on some level, she wants you to succeed.

I wish you luck. This stuff is never easy.