what should I do?

[cyssan]

We took the 7-3 shift in the surgical ward and the 3-11 shift in the OR yesterday.

Nothing much happened in the 1st shift.

However, during our duty in the OR, my N.I. sort of got to me.

In our school, we have to get our assists in at least 5 major operations and 5 minor operations.

Most my group mates already have 5 assists in major operations and 1-3 assists in minor operations.

I have 4 major and 1 minor.

So I thought it would be okey if I took the next case.

The patient was for explore lap. because of Intussusception.

So I asked my N.I. if I could assist and she said:

"lagi na lang ikaw" (it's always you)

To me, it was like she was saying I don't give others a chance to assist.

Which was wrong. Coz I rarely assert myself.

I told her. "hindi naman, ma'am" (not so, ma'am)

She didn't say anything and so I left it at that.

I went to the lounge, where my other groupmates were. After a while, one of my groupmates, came telling my friend that ma'am was asking him to scrub. He was going to do the assist for the explore lap.

I didn't say anything.

I thought, just because I'm not in the one in the scrub suit doesn't mean I should also miss the learning experience. So I watched through the whole operation.

I thought I should just let the whole incident slip.

at 10:00, our C.I. said we were going home.

there were still 4 operations coming up. The next operation was on a kid who swallowed a coin.

I guess you could say I got my hopes up again. I thought maybe the operation would be interesting enough and maybe she'd agree to stay for awhile.

So I went to our N.I. and asked her if she was really tired aleady. And she said yes. I told her the next operation was on a kid who swallowed a coin.

She didn't say anything.

Then she said, the next one to scrub would be Ms. Ong.

and at that moment, I really felt hurt coz i felt she was being unfair.

again, I didn't say anything.

I walked back to our quarters. The room was empty. My friend came shortly afterwards.

I told her what happened while I packed my things.

I really felt that my N.I. was being partial.

I was ready to walk out when all of a sudden, our N.I. walked in and said,

"they're wheeling in the patient for CS and not the kid."

I couldn't look at her coz I was really hurt and then she must have sensed it and asked. "What's wrong?"

Nothing, ma'am.

What's wrong?

And she kept asking and asking and so I told her.

And boy, did i make a mistake.

I started crying.

I told her about the first incident and she said I should have told her that I wanted the case. And that I could've countered her early comment.

Then, out of nowhere, another Nursing Instructor came looking for her . And when she saw us, she stood in the doorway and actually stayed for 10 minutes.

I was still crying and my N.I. just kept scolding me.

I tried to tell her that it's hard to be objective when it comes to the assists in the OR. especially for me coz my other groupmates have already completed half of the requirement and that I felt I was lagging behind.

But she just threw everything I said back at me. and said, she was only joking about giving the case to Ms. Ong and that we had already agreed that we were going home by 10:00 and that she doesn't like seeing scowling faces. She even said, "don't worry, tomorrow, I will give you the first case. Or if you want, we'll wait for the next operation so that you can get the case."

Well, at that point, I had nothing more to say.

It was clear she wasn't going to hear me out. So, when she went inside their locker, I got up and walked out.

And the thing is,

I can't quite make up my mind if I should even go on duty tonight.

I don't know what's going to happen tonight. And I'm not even sure if I want to be there to find out what's going to happen.

[Tony35NYC]

You should go on duty exactly as scheduled. Nursing school isn't easy for anyone because there's so much to learn and do. There's no time for tears, and its nonproductive to be reactive. Focus on completing your assignments as necessary so you may catch up with the others.