I really wanna laugh at this some day!!!

9livesRN, BSN, RN

1,570 Posts

Specializes in SNU/SNF/MedSurg, SPCU Ortho/Neuro/Spine.

you know you are a nurse when...

You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.
You believe not all patients are annoying ~ some are unconscious.
Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock
Almost everything can seem humorous ... eventually.
When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?" you show them your shoes.
Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.
You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.
You're uncomfortable in clothes that don't have elastic or drawstring waistbands, because you spend most of your waking hours in scrubs.
You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs." (And because real-life ER's don't have anyone that looks like Dr. Carter!)
You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off, in case it's someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.
Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
You can intubate your friends at parties.
You don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your own.
You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.
You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help.
Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
Drinking iced tea from a clean urinal is completely normal.
Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answers yourself. (What day is it again?)
You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines. (Wow! I can get an 11g in that puppy!)
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up. Or if you drooled.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
When using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.
Your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.
Men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion Media movies about nurses.
Everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.
You want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.
You can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.
You can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spagetti with lots of tomato sauce.
You've sworn you're going to have "DNR" tattooed on your chest!