I really need some advice...

You sound like me about 28 years ago and off and on since then. I didn't discover 'holistic nursing' until I was in my master's program about 13 years ago. I knew I had found my home. The real point, however, is that I was always a holistic nurse and holistic practitioner because of my beliefs and actions. You can be a holistic nurse all the time and no matter where you work. If hospital nursing doesn't suit you, I encourage you to look into different positions that might suit you better. One of the wonderful things about a nursing career is that you can re-create yourself whenever you need to make a change. For instance, working with diabetes management might allow you to focus on holistic nutrition. You may not be able to learn more about holistic nursing or 'alternative medicine' in a job, but you can find some great resources on the web, books, DVDs and so on. Then, integrate what you learn into your practice, so long as you are still within your scope of practice. I work in acute care now, and although it is about providing fast treatment, there is always time for patient centered care, being present and patient education (nutrition, stress resistance...). I even developed a website based on many the questions (nutrition, spirituality, prayer, stress, natural remedies...) my patients and other nurses asked through the years and also what I learned through my own experiences. I love to write and I love holistic health. This is just one more way to be a holistic nurse. Best wishes on your journey!