I don't know what I want to be when I grow up

[trinity2013]

I quit nursing school after 2 semesters. Convinced myself that pursuing a different degree to go into medical research was what I wanted. Now, 2 semesters into a new bio. program at a new school, I could not be more miserable. I'm stubborn and haven't had the best track record with school. Admitting I screwed up again has been a tough pill to swallow. I truly thought I was making the right choice. My 2nd semester of nursing school I was trying to work part time, had a 4 year old son, and my husband was working/attending school as well. I would go for days on a couple of hours of sleep. Missed bedtime for my son for classes or time in the lab. Everything suffered. At first, the goal was worth it. Small sacrifices now, big payoff later. But, the sacrifices seemed bigger and bigger and the pay off less and less worth it. My confidence was always shaky in nursing school and no mstter how good my grades were, I never believed in myself enough. My instructors, preceptor, everyone kept telling me, "You're going to be a great nurse, you just have to have confidence." Lectures and practicing my skills were a breeze. But performing skills for the faculty and seeing patients in my fundamentals clinical threw me into a panic. I was too scared of failing to even try. No patient wants a nurse whose hands shake while obtaining vital signs. Our program worked like this: we had our fundamentals clinical the 1st semester of school. It was only 4 hours long and was every other week so instead of 16 clinicals we had 8. Well, actually 7 because the 1st day was nothing but computer training. Subtract the time we spent getting our patient assignments before going to the floor and the discussion sessions after, it was more like 3 hours long, 7 clinicals so only a total of 21 hours with patients. 2nd semester there was no clinical. Instead, we had our regular lectures and our pharmacology skills lab as well as our med/surg skills lab. The latter took place over the last 8 weeks of the semester and included skills like IV insertion, catheters, serile wound cleaning, etc. It was intense and stressful to say the least. A total of 8 skills were taught in the class. Each student was randomly given 3 out of the 8 skills to demonstrate. You had a time limit and making a mistake was not an option. I opted to change majors right before that class started, finished the classes I was in and then I was gone by the next semester. I told everyone it was better this way, that this was what I wanted. Not that I was too scared to finish what I started. It was a crazy time during that year, too. I mentioned I worked and my husband worked and atrended school, plus we have a son. But, my husband's step dad and step mom both died unexpectedly that year, only months apart. I also learned a family member of mine, who was like a mother to me, had cancer. I made a decision too fast, I thought I knew what I was doing but I didn't think it through. I don't think it was nursing I had a problem with, it was my program combined with my life at the time. So now im looking at my friends still in the program with only 2 semesters to go, I look at my husband who is 2 weeks into his EMT, and I look at myself like, "What the hell are you doing?" I'll be 30 next week and I always said I'd have my bachelors in something...anything by the time I was 30. Well here I am, up to my ears in student loans, no degree to show for it and not a resemblance of a plan. I don't want to be a medical secretary my whole life. But I don't want to spend the rest of my son's childhood in school, studying, doing homework. I can't think of anything out there that interests me as much as medicine but my fears have crippled me from taking the plunge. So, nurses and students, I ask you this: have you ever felt like all was lost? Have you ever given up on yourself? How did you find your way again?

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

I recommend talking to an advisor at the school. Maybe you should consider another discipline, like medical technology or respiratory therapy or physical therapy. Something that requires a baccalaurete degree but is not nursing. Another option is to quit school for a while, work (hopefully in a medical setting) and decide later. I started nursing school at 45. You do not have to plan your whole life right now.

[Sparrow91]

Wow I can see that you have a lot on your plate, I can also see how easy it was for you to be swayed from the path that you were on. It may not hurt to take a small step back and take a little time before making another decision. Ask yourself what you want, once you are sure, then ask yourself what will you need to do to make that happen? Then together with your husband make a plan that will help you to reach that goal. It may not hurt to allow a little time off if it is possible to enjoy your son and to allow time for your husband to complete his degree. That way there are a few less complications in your life. Good Luck to you. :)