I had my first breakdown only 2 weeks into being on my own.

[mr cooper]

I am so scared of staying in my SNF, but I need the job while looking for acute care jobs. I am a brand new RN and still figuring things out with both the facility and nursing that it is so hard for me to finish all my tasks. My orienters were not helpful and I am realizing I need to unlearn what I have been told by them. 2 major situations went down both of which I had no ability to prevent since everything was in place like it was supposed to. But I am scared and nervous because being new I was trying to figure out how to best get things done and just trying to LEARN being a nurse... so I wasn't able to get certain things done by the time of the event thinking I would get it a bit later. Ever since that day I have had extreme anxiety, flashbacks, depression and fear of losing my license. My sanity is slowly draining for me and it just feels like losing my license will relieve me and I won't have to worry anymore. I obviously don't want that, but thats what it feels like. I broke down and bawled like a little baby at work in front of everybody. There are moments where I enjoy it, but the mental anguish I am going through may not be worth it. I feel like I got completely unlucky having these things happen to me despite being 2 weeks into it. And the state won't care... they won't care... Its just vicious. Anyways, I needed to get this off of my chest and I'll probably start crying again....

[bluegeegoo2, LPN]

If it helps any, I cried plenty my 1st few months as a nurse in a SNF, and intermittently since then. I felt (and still feel on occasion) that I was trying to juggle chainsaws on a treadmill that was running a little faster than I was. The crash and burn was inevitable. It takes time to develop time management skills, and to learn what needs to be addressed now and what can wait until later. When I was "new", I carried a small note pad with me to jot down the things that needed to be addressed but could wait until later. When I had the rare spare moment I would address an issue from my note pad and highlight it off. That practice helped me by providing a visual account that I was making head way even though I felt universally inept most days. That feeling also improved with time. Unfortunately, time and experience is the only "cure" for new nurse blues. Hang in there. It does get better. :)