should I continue with nursing school?

[mubbles]

Hi I'm a f***ing mess. I need some advice from someone who isn't a friend/my parents. I'm in my first semester and I seriously feel like I cannot do nursing. I've always been more "book smart" than sociable, and with this I'm a super introvert. So far in clinical (we're on a med/surg rotation) I've been able to scrape by just following my nurse around. I'm not doing proper head to toe assessments when I'm at clinical, mainly because my clinical instructor is not on my ass about it, and I am terrible uncomfortable with doing one. I feel like I can barely interact with patients, and that my interest lies more in what the cause of the problem may be then monitoring it. My professors ask us about what we did in clinicals to relate it to class, and for some reason so many of my classmates have done so much independently. I am terrified of having to take care of a patient alone. I can memorize a skill, but I really cannot read a person or communicate to get much information out of them. I know I can't ******** my way through nursing school, so although I'll probably pass clinical this semester who knows about the future. I am fine with clinical as long as I'm not really DOING anything, which defeats the purpose and I feel makes me just look lazy.

I'm not sure if my feelings stem from not wanting to do med-surg (I hate working with the elderly......I feel like an ass for admitting it but I hate it). I currently want to do psych because that's what I'm most familiar with, I have had an eating disorder for years and have been hospitalized for it a few times. When I was inpatient, I felt that the nurses I interacted with were totally lacking in their ability to therapeutically communicate with people with mental illness. It was a **** experience as a patient. But is it really worth me going through nursing school hell just because I ~might~ be a better nurse in a psych setting? The setting I was a patient in was super tame as well, none of the patients required help with ADLs and such. I feel like I look like an entitled child for not being comfortable with helping with ADLs, with body fluid and such I'm okay with cleaning it up from the floor or something but wiping? I'm so uncomfortable. I have always used the excuse that I am physically weak and not able to hold an adult, but at this point that isn't valid, I'm not in highschool anymore. I never worked as a CNA for this reason even though I had to be certified for nursing school.

Nursing school has really f**ed with my mental health. I am terrible depressed at the moment, and spend most of my time outside of class sleeping instead of studying. I cannot focus and since I'm lacking with my studying I am getting C's. The only class I really like at the moment is pathophysiology, because I like the hard science and love my professor. I am doing poorly in my fundamentals course because it is so hard for me to do skills, no matter how much I practice I am awful at communicating with patients. I worked customer service throughout highschool and became quiet skilled at interacting with customers. With nursing though, I feel so incompetent, so I really can't "fake it". I'm kinda rambling and probably don't make sense but nursing school is killing me. I have passive thoughts of suicide and my depressive symptoms are to the max. I'm on medication but it is probably losing it's effect. I'm considering switching to pre-med now, but with that I'm worried that I won't be able to get into medical school, and that I will be stuck in a specialty. I would likely specialize in psychiatry, but I am told by my family (who are not experts at all) that being a nurse practitioner specializing in psych is similar. I just want someone to give me advice, so that I don't have to go to my peers (who will judge me) or my advisor (who is my professor in 2 courses). Thanks.

[jess.mont, ADN, RN]

Oh, friend - you are in a tough spot. Nursing school sounds like it's really challenging you in some ways that aren't necessarily healthy. Do you see your therapist regularly? Please talk to a professional. Suicidal thoughts are a huge red flag. Best wishes to you.

[MiladyMalarkey, ASN, BSN]

I second you talking to a provider/therapist about this. The unfortunate thing is it sounds like you COULD have a future in nursing, with as much as you talk about psych it sounds like the want is there & we always need good psych nurses.

Nursing school is mentally straining for most as it is but if you have an underlying condition it can make it more challenging. I also believe while nursing school is rigorous med school is probably more so. If you switch know what you are getting into. Your mental health is the most important so do what you need to do to be where you need to. I wish you the best.