How to cope when you had a bad delivery

babyktchr, BSN, RN · Oct 22, 2013

Bad deliveries happen. That is a fact. Everything in life has its ups and downs, and you certainly don't give up on that. Its is completely normal to have doubts, questions, and mind numbing fear after an adverse event. The key here is to accept what you did, recognize any areas of improvement (no matter how big or how small) forgive and let go. I know, easy for me to say. I had probably the most horrendous event happen to me personally about 2 years ago. In 20 years I have seen a lot, done a lot but this ONE event rocked my world to the core. Besides being mentally scarred, I was also physically hurt which added to the general delight. For the first time in my career I was ready to say ok, I am done. I was afraid of my job and that was something I have really never had to deal with. Sure I have felt tension and I have that productive fear that keeps me on my toes, but this was different. I couldn't even begin to go back in THAT ROOM again. It probably tooke me 5 months to do that. I ended up speaking to a professional who was very helpful in directing my fear in a productive manner. It all came down to forgiving myself. Letting myself be human. Accepting that bad things do happen and to anyone, no matter how good of a nurse you are.

You have to step away from it. Stop replaying it. You can't change what happened. But you can learn from it.

My suggestion is to have some sort of debriefing from your manager, CNS or someone who you trust that can give you CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. I do this with any "event" with the staff. We sit and review the case and point out the good and the bad and how we can learn from it. I think it is helpful..at least that is what I am told. You may find some peace in all the good you probably did do, and recognize that sometimes all the good in the world cannot change what it already written.

Don't give up just yet. You are not the only one out there who feels this way. You have just joined the "what the heck am I doing club". Chin up..good luck

monkeybug · Oct 23, 2013

Does your employer offer EAP? If so, utilize it. It's hard to get away from that feeling of "what did I do wrong," but try. One of the best L&D nurses I ever knew walked away from 20 years in the unit because there was a bad outcome and our unit manager was supremely unsupportive. Maybe if she'd had someone there to tell her that she was still an awesome nurse, she wouldn't have gone. I know that the doctor involved never blamed the nurse. I'm sorry you are going through this, and I hope you start to feel better soon. I remember my first "bad" delivery. I came home and announced to my dear husband that I was quitting. He had his own moment of panic then, student loans don't care how you feel! In my case, nothing could have been done differently to change the outcome, but I still had a very hard time. I would close my eyes and see the baby.

Think long and hard before you give up. It will get easier over time.

JenDenRN · Oct 24, 2013

It is always so hard to deal with a bad outcome. In 14yrs I still remember the one where I felt the same as the other two nurses. My 3rd year as an L&D nurse. "Am I qualified to do this? Did I miss something that could have prevented this?" I also wasn't sure if I wanted to have the responsibility of women & their unborn children's lives in my hands. I almost gave up. Then I was in another very serious situation a few months later that was handled very well. Afterwards, both the md & the patient thanked me for my knowledge & "getting them through it safely." I then realized that we are human. We are not perfect. I do my best & still enjoy my job. Talk to who will be supportive; it may not be the administrators of your department. Try not to be too hard on yourself.