Hospice nursing with child(ren) at home?

GoalsInTransition · Jun 9, 2013

I have two little ones at home. I definitely see some terribly sad things at work (inpatient hospice). Honestly, I just tell myself to learn the lessons my patients and families teach me (things they DID learn, and others they totally missed out on).

1) focus on what's important in my life, and spend my time wisely

2) tell people I love them, show it and mean it

3) speak the truth even when its hard; putting it off wastes time and can make the situation worse

When I go home and see my sweet babies after a work day full of tears and sick people, my kids remind me to laugh and enjoy what a great gift we have- time to spend together. I rarely worry about them getting sick; I do, however, occasionally worry that I will get sick and not be around for them. Again, I just take time to reflect on the above, and try to be grateful that we still have time together. My oldest (7) is just starting to understand what mommy does, and we are having great conversations about how mommy helps people who are very sick, and will die soon, and how mommy helps them feel better while the are still alive.

My job has really made me a more reflective person, and I hope I continue to learn from it. Now, if I were REALLY smart, I'd drop 40 lbs and do more cardio, too. :-)

Enjoy your kids, try to let go of the worries. If it gets to be too much, definitely seek professional help if you think you may need it. And use your vacation time, for goodness sake!

EquestrianRN · Jun 18, 2013

Excellent comment above by "Goals in Transition"...I couldn't agree more!

One major thing that hospice nursing has taught me: The sort of people whom we truly enjoy taking care of as patients are the ones whom even in death teach us the most about life...for example, I notice that those who have spent their lives loving others, giving their all to make the lives of not only those directly around them, but those in other "circles" better, through volunteerism, teaching, WHATEVER! These are the folks who have a constant flood of people at their deathbed. The people whom they have touched during their lifetime NEVER FORGET, and come back long before death, but also at that very special time in the individual's life, just to ensure that person truly knows what a role they have played in contributing to others wellness of mind/body/spirit.

Sometimes the patient will be a person who may not have touched a huge number of lives directly, but it is evident those whom they HAVE TOUCHED, THEY HAVE TOUCHED DEEPLY...through speaking with and watching their family members, sometimes only three or four, sit vigil, hour after hour, day after day, because of the immense love they feel for that mother / father/ grandmother/grandfather...and you simply know that because of the amazing love and warmth they showed those family members, the world HAS TO be a better place through what their offspring have put into it.

Then the converse is seen...the person who has not one soul on earth interested in holding their hand, dropping by for five minutes to offer comfort at their life's end..and you can USUALLY see why. That patient is often at the least totally emotionally closed and at the most, outright unpleasant with any and every possible communication they make. I have learned so clearly that what we put out into the world IS DIRECTLY what we get back. THIS has caused me to DESIRE to be a kinder, gentler me. I have always been very loving, very giving, and would give my last dime if I truly thought someone needed it more than I. Nonetheless, I have also been guilty of being closed off at times to those simply wanting to care for and love me, as friends or family, and that has changed immensely. Not because, "I want lots of people at my deathbed"! No. Not at all. Simply because, I've finally seen with my own eyes exactly the way everything we do with the short lives we are given MATTERS! And the last thing I'd ever wish to do with even one minute of my time is to put negativity into the world, as it is brimming over with such as it is!!

So, to answer your statement: love your little ones, hold them tight every day and appreciate every single thing they bring to you and others. Teach them to love and to do good things all the time. If they ask you about your day at work, or learn that you work with the dying, use that as an opportunity to teach them that life is short but beautiful. That people do die, and that the better their life was, the more they got to experience, be internally enriched by and in turn, enriched others, when the end comes, it is so much less hard.

If you are a Christian, teach them about their relationship with Jesus and the importance of that relationship. If you are another religion, teach them to follow your doctrines and this will show them that even after leaving this earth, they will go on to experience incredible things in their afterlife...

Don't allow them to be the fifty-something year old woman, dying alone from COPD, struggling for every breath because her cigarettes meant more to her than her kids who can't be bothered to come from out of state to be with her at the end, or even to call. Interestingly, those patients are the ones I'll spend my few extra minutes with...holding their hands. Whispering that they "HAVE DONE GOOD IN THEIR LIVES", reminding them that they are not alone. Many people DO "earn" their end-of-life-receptions or lack their of; but no one by my estimation, deserves to be "punished" at such a critical and often, if alone, terrifying time.

That's the pt whom I remind of their worth daily until they pass and am sure to pray a little extra for...because there isn't anyone else there to do such for them.

tewdles, RN · Jun 19, 2013

I will add this relative to your "fears" in hospice work.

You may find that if you confront your personal fears head on, right at the beginning of your career path; they will quickly fade and become of little importance to you. Hospice work can help us to discover our own peace with mortality and death...and with the fear of leaving our loved ones behind.

When you achieve that personal peace with these issues, your work will enrich your family...IMHO.

Good luck. There is nothing incompatible with having a young family and this line of work.