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I was at work one night and a CNA assigned to my hall came in upset. She confided that her husband had just told her (on the way to work) that he is seeing someone on the side. She told me that he was mentally and physically abusive. (And had the bruises to prove it). She has been to the ER, but blown off. She doesn't have the will power to leave, for sake that her kids will blame her. I have told her that it is better to leave and be honest with the kids, rather than stay, because kids can sense love or lack of. She has turned to anti-anxiety meds..which is ironic because she doesn't have the problem. She is a bright, wonderful woman who deserves better.I fear if she stays in the relationship, she will either hurt herself or be hurt tragically. It breaks my heart because she has all the universal signs of abuse. Yet, it seems everyone is looking the other way. I've talked to her until I am blue in the face and gaining no ground.She wants out but can't leave. If that makes any sense. I need help with this one guys, I can't handle this issue on my own.:(


Has 20 years experience. Specializes in Certified Diabetes Educator.

This is not something you can handle. Give her some phone numbers of counselors and places she can go if needed. You have already talked till you are blue in the face and she is still there. She has to make decisions for her life, not you.

People don't make changes because the fear of loss is greater than the hope for gain. Until she reaches a point in her mind where the hope for gain is greater than the fear of loss, she will stay in this relationship.

I know it is sad, and hard to watch someone throw their life away.

pagandeva2000, LPN

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I understand how you feel, especially since you are a nurse that is trained to offer solice and safety to people that approach you with such stories, however, the other posters are correct. This woman has to decide that she wants to change her life...you cannot make her. And, unfortunately, this is one of the reasons why people eventually turn a blind eye to spousal abuse, because many have tried to intercede for the person, only for the situation to remain as it is and escalate. You gave her the phone numbers, you offered yourself in regard to allowing her to vent to you...this is all that you can physically and emotionally do.

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