Anywho..I'm a nurse on a med/surg unit in a fairly rural area. I have gained a lot of confidence and the house supervisors actually refer to me as "the best nurse on med/surg"...which boosts my confidence even more...BUT...I am still finding though...(after 6 years now..eeek)...that I tend to let isolated incidents stick with me.
Without giving too much info....I had a patient that never should have been admitted to med/surg in the first place. She was a trauma patient...elderly..enough said. Anyways...I walked into her room and she did not look good..I called the on call doctor..got a few orders..and monitored...by am...still wasn't feeling right about her...called her regular doc(he was to take over in the am)..he came to see her and immediately had her copter'd out.
I felt soooo bad after this whole thing...like I should have called again, been more aggressive, called again sooner,etc. I guess everything turned out ok but I still think about the whole thing everyday. Her doc..(who is also my family doc)..didn't appear mad at me or anything...but i'm just wondering if he thinks I'm a big dummy or something. I haven't even been in to see him because I feel like he thinks I'm a horrible nurse. I did call two physicians, monitored the patient closely, and she didn't ever change the whole night..it was just that she was down the tubes from the get go. I think my doc was more upset over the fact that she was admitted to med/surg to begin with.
I feel so stupid that I let things like that stick with me. I guess I just want to be super nurse or something and when things don't go right or if I kick myself for the "should have done that' thing...I get anxious, depressed...even to the point of wanting to quit nursing. I'm seriously starting to wonder if I need Xanax or something? Anyone feel like this every...or am i the only one?
I guess maybe I don't have as much confidence in myself as I thought.....I know stuff happens and we need to just go on...but for some reason..I can't..I think about this night all the time and sometimes it makes me not even want to be a nurse anymore....does anyone know what I'm talking about? Of course..I was super worried about the patient...but now...two months out..I'm worrying about what others...i.e. my doctor thinks of me...is that crazy or what? Ok..I guess I'm done rambling...I think I needed to vent more than anything....any comments or similar feelings anyone could share might make me feel better.......??? Ok..thanks everyone....
UPDATE:
Ok..here's a little update on this whole situation. Ok...apparently..I wasn't feeling bad enough about this patient....SO...I come to work last Wed., check my e-mail and find an e-mail and powerpoint regarding the new SBAR and rapid response team our facility is implementing...well..guess what the case study on the first part of the power point is...??????? This lady that I had...errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The only problem is that they only picked out the bad things about the story....they didnt mention that two seperate physicians were called, that house supervision was involved, that the patient was monitored..basically one on one all night...I was soooo peeved!!!! There's a lot of people that know that whole story with that lady and it was easy to pick out the fact that it was her by the case study. I was so irrate that I went to our DON and she whole-heartingly apologized saying "that she never thought to ask me my opinion before letting one of our internal med doc's use the case study in his power point for all the facility to see. I talked with the DON for a long time and she knows that I am very upset about the whole thing.
Then she decides to tell me that our quality control lady and others have been meeting and are doing a "cause and effect analysis" on this case. She said don't think it is just you they are zeroing out....they are looking at the whole case from ER til the time she was flown out. I told her..."how can I not think about it"...I told her that I was just now finally mentally forgetting about it and going on with things and then I find the whole episode in a case study and find out they are studying it for some darn cause and analysis". I'm all like "so when am I going to be a part of this"...since thus far..they've been doing everything behind my back. She was like: "oh..they will be contacting you for an interview shortly"....I'm like oh great...now I can think about it some more...uggggggghhhhhh. She said they are really looking at the doctors too....cause' i guess a lot of people are really wondering why the lady was admitted to med/surg in the first place....so..she's right...it's not just me they are looking at...it's the whole process. But someone like me...that stresses big time anyway....can't help but think they are looking at me. But I guess...if you think about it.....I actually did follow the rapid response...I contacted md's, contacted house supervisor, monitored closely,etc....but I still can't help think that I should have called back more when the doc wasn't really listening to me. I'm wishing I would have called back and said "this lady is too critical, may I move her to CCU" or "come in and see her"....etc.
Good news is...the lady did turn out ok an is at a local nursing home now...still recovering from her fractures. I told my DON that I was going to start ultrasound school...lol..cause I was so upset. (actually I have been thinking about it). I told her that I get stressed out easily and that this whole thing is making my life hell. She apologized again and said that she thinks I am an excellent nurse...one of the best we have..she goes. She says she's heard numerous times from house supervision that I should transfer to CCU or supervision. My nurse manager on med/surg also sent me a little poem and wrote that "there is no other nurse I'd want caring for patients on nights"......I know they are just trying to be nice because they know I'm feeling so bad....but I do think there's some truth to it...I am a good nurse. I just have to start believing it more....i'ts just so hard for me when this case where things didn't go exactly right....comes back to bite me in the butt. Why me???? There's been other cases...some with worse outcomes than mine...my lady survived. Why can't they do cause and effect carp' on some of these cases....uggggggggggggggghhhh.
Ok..I just wanted to update. Sorry it got so long. I'm just feeling really bad about it all and needed to vent and look to you guys for some help. Thanks...
Oh....perhaps I get it now...if you look way back to my "original post"...I did mention that house sup. refer to me as "the best nurse on med/surg"...maybe that's what you are getting at. That's not what I'm saying about myself though.....I just mentioned that because for some reason....that's how skewed things are for me.....if I"m the best nurse on med/surg, self-righteous, and coy....why do I feel this way about things constantly...why do I think about and threaten to leave nursing all together because I don't think I'm cut out for it. I can see where you are getting that from...but believe me...that was in no way my intention!!
IloveSnoopy
187 Posts
Oh....perhaps I get it now...if you look way back to my "original post"...I did mention that house sup. refer to me as "the best nurse on med/surg"...maybe that's what you are getting at. That's not what I'm saying about myself though.....I just mentioned that because for some reason....that's how skewed things are for me.....if I"m the best nurse on med/surg, self-righteous, and coy....why do I feel this way about things constantly...why do I think about and threaten to leave nursing all together because I don't think I'm cut out for it. I can see where you are getting that from...but believe me...that was in no way my intention!!