Halfway through, and drowning in my own mind.

Published

First: I've scoured this website for questions similar to mine, and I've read tips on how to destress, when to know if you need help, etc. But there's honestly nothing better than getting it off your chest to an entire nursing community, even if nobody reads it!

So. I have handled stress pretty well, so far. There is a semester and a half between graduation and I.

But an instructor recently pointed out to me that I'm showing signs of being pushed over my physical and mental limit. Whatever emotions I don't verbalize seem to be manifesting themselves in ways I haven't realized.

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Truly, I think this program has made me psycho. Nearly every minute of every day, I'm worried about my health. Some of my worries are actually well founded, as I have seen my doctor frequently this year and have had an operation. Other worries, as my parents have pointed out to me, are probably a direct result of nursing school. But to the point where I can't sleep at night, and I need to write this post? When I get feelings of impending doom just thinking about that brief chest pain I had a week or two ago? Imagining I have a DVT every time I feel a pain in my leg? I swear, I'm getting MI's just from the anxiety.

What began as an enjoyable clinical rotation is now a chore and an anxiety (what did I forget to do for my patient today? did I miss anything? make any mistakes? oh my god oh my god oh my god), both my empathy and performance have been affected.

My personality has changed. I have become a confident person (good), but my overactive imagination has been wreaking some havoc (very bad). I would venture to say that I've become paranoid to the point of not functioning well in life. My typical concerns are amplified (when I sit alone in the house and do homework, I'm so aware of every little sound that I can't get anything done). Even as I sit here typing this, I'm concerned about dying from: a) a home-intruder at this late hour, b) renal failure d/t the DM that I'll probably develop from eating so much freaking sugar all the time, c) a pain in my leg that may/may not be a thrombus that will travel to my lungs, d) cancer, every type of cancer.

I'm tired of being scared all the time. I feel like a shell of a being, lately. When I'm not just a shell, I'm like a seriously anxious little squirrel. I make coffee nervous. This week I've made an appointment with a professional to talk this over, and I'm sort of ashamed to get help. Add "I'm developing a mental illness" to the list, while we're at it.

I'm not asking anything, really. I just needed to get this off my chest, and not be judged by anyone for a change (my friends can only understand so much). :blink:

P.s. Has anyone seen BBC's Sherlock? The way Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock can never turn his mind off? That's sort of how I feel. ON, every day and night, to the point of (probably) mania. :grumpy:

Specializes in Critical Care, Education. Has 35 years experience.

Not a normal reaction to nursing school. If you're consumed with free-floating generalized anxiety that is interfering with normal activities (like sleep), it's time to consult a qualified professional. You school should have some student counseling services available so that's probably a good place to start.

NotAllThoseWhoWander

1 Article; 44 Posts

Not a normal reaction to nursing school. If you're consumed with free-floating generalized anxiety that is interfering with normal activities (like sleep), it's time to consult a qualified professional. You school should have some student counseling services available so that's probably a good place to start.

Thanks for the reply... I did make an appointment with our school counselor, and I felt a little better already, just by making that small step. Fortunately we have a small break coming up, and I intend to use that time to evaluate where I am, and improve my stress-handling techniques. :sour: