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OK, PLEASE UR INPUTS ARE VERY WELCOME, I NEED TOO SEE THIS DILEMMA FROM OTHER NEUTRAL EYES...

I once heard a man say on Oprah that "when a man says no that is the end of the discussion, but when a woman says no it is the beginning of a negotiation". This about sums up my dilemma. I am an experienced ICU RN, I am applying to CRNA school this year, I mean i am serious i am that kind of crazy organized person, i have all my ducks in a row, my certifications (CCRN etc) are in order and the only reason i waited to apply was money i wanted to be able to work n save more this year, my husband has been behind me but all of a sudden coz of heat from his mom (read cultural pressure- we are West-African), he wants another baby, we have a 2.5year old and i picked her up today from daycare and i felt sick to my stomach, i stlll do because the lady left her with her kids, and she had boo-booed, i had to change her there on thef loor, i felt soosooooooo guilty and i was telling her its alright baby not for long....i had originally bought his idea that she would be 6 by the time i finish school which in his opinion is too old blah blah blah but now i dont think i want another baby, financially it would be a strain but emotionally i think it would wreck me...i feel so bad like a horrible mother when i pick up my kid and by the time we get home its like 8pm cant do much coz i am exhausted then its bed time........so now my question i guess is what do u guys think? why do we women have to go thru this? i dont want to make CRNA school much harder than it already is with an infant to go?

i came to the conclusion that my agreeing to have another baby was not a compromise as he claims i just agreed to do what he wanted...ahhhhh help me.....i am planning to make some concessions such as

1. if i dont get into CRNA school for 2009 then i will have a baby

2. if i do get in i will have one shortly after the program ends is this plausible................................:o:cry:

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Specializes in Author/Business Coach.

Anything is possible. This is your dream to better yourself and your family. If you both don't agree with having a baby at this time, hold off. I don't have kids, but I wouldn't let having one stop my dream of becoming a CRNA. You'll be old and the kid is 18 still wondering what your life would be like if you had just sacrificed 2.5 yrs of your life. You will see your family, just not all the time. She will be too little to remember if "Mommy wasn't around." What she will be able to remember thought is that she had a pretty comfortable childhood, parents not stressed out over money, advantages in life because her parents weren't poor, college tution??? You have to weight the good with the bad.

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Godsgem,

I can understand where you are coming from.....trust me. I think you are making the wisest decision to wait. Having a baby (as you know) is very demanding and requires lots of sleepless nights and immediate attention. The anesthesia program is probably going to put you through the same thing. The problem is that people who are "outside looking in" do not know what you have to go through in order to accomplish your dream. You need to make your family understand this. Write an email to the director of the program you are interested in asking about specific time demands of the program and let them read his/her response.

I am half Puerto Rican (hispanic side dominates more than the caucasian) and my 4 year old son's father is Mexican. So I am also feeling extremely pressured to go ahead and have another baby. They always tell me that my son needs a sibling and they want more grandchildren, etc. But I know my dream/destiny, and that is to become a CRNA. It's also not fair if I was to have a baby during school and have to pass off the responsibilities because of the extreme pressure. I PERSONALLY couldn't handle so much stress. I practically raise my 4 year old alone while going to school and work full time. It is hard. I couldn't do it with 2 children....ESPECIALLY a small baby.

I know people who have went to anesthesia school with young kids (even babies) and graduated. It all depends on the person and the type of support that they have. If you truly feel in your heart that you can't have a baby right now, don't feel guilty. You are making a responsible decision. It's not like you are never going to have kids again. You just need time to finish accomplishing your goals. Give your daughter all of your love and support because that is what she'll need. Try to talk to your familiy and make them understand! Best of luck with ya! :) :)

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I understand your feeling. I too have the same sort of struggle, but for different reasons.

I am just finishing up my BSN program, so I have a couple years before I can even start applying. My son is 8, and I'm 33. My husband and I struggle with the decision to have another baby. If I wait until after CRNA school, then I will be be having a baby around 38 and my son will be 13. If I have a baby now, I would feel guilty leaving the baby at daycare, or having to rely on my husband to take up the slack. Being an involved mom has always been a priority of mine. So, I feel for you.

Your current child is young enough where she won't remember much of mommy being away, so don't beat yourself up. As for having another baby, you will have to decide what you can handle. Do not feel obligated to have another baby. It is your body, and you can decide when/if to have another baby.

Good luck to you.

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One question that is hanging in my head after reading about your dilemma...

If your husband isn't 100% behind you at *this* point.... how is that going to change after you have another baby?

Honestly, it will probably only get worse.

He obviously is not seeing the financial benefits of your further education nor does he understand how it will benefit you personally. Or he understands the benefits, but does not value them as much as having more offspring.

I would tread carefully.

A man who puts his mother's opinion before yours now will continue to do so in the future. And I'm sure he and his family will not approve of how your studies take you away from your children and husband, regardless of how old they are and if they will personally remember your temporary absence.

From what I have read, anesthesia programs are so demanding, that if your spouse isn't 110% on board, or if you don't have strong family support- it's very difficult to make it through a program, especially with kids. I'm sure there are women who have done it... but I'm sure it wasn't pretty.

My advice? Wait to have any more kids.

Let it be the carrot that dangles in front of your husband and his family so that they may have yet another reason to be supportive of your quick success as well.

Good luck to you Gem...

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Specializes in Anesthesia.
...i feel so bad like a horrible mother when i pick up my kid and by the time we get home its like 8pm cant do much coz i am exhausted then its bed time........

I sincerely hope it is not ALWAYS your duty to pick up your child from daycare. If you two are not sharing household duties equitably, your problems may run deeper than this current question.

?

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Dont be guilt-ridden....ultimately you have to do whats right for you! I am a single mom two kids, dtr and son, 9 and 7...my son is autistic to boot. I will be starting anesthesia school in August. The way I look at it, the ends justifies the means...I will be able to give them the kind of life where they wont have to worry about money. Of course, I have help, but I get the guilt trips too (I am Hispanic). In the long run, however, I know I am making the best decision possible. And achieving a personal goal for myself which no one can take away.

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Specializes in PER,PICU,Flight,SRNA 2008.

Godsgem,

My concern for you is the same expressed by deepz.....Your husband may not be as supportive as you think. I'm saying this to you from experience. I started nursing school with a 5yr, 3yr and 4mos old. My husband at the time professed his support to me and anyone else in hearing distance. However, he was not the one taking/picking up kids, helping with cooking/cleaning and many times was out of work.

The guilt card always comes up when you are stressed to the limit and may be used to sabotage your hard work. Be very careful that you don't get caught up in that kind of situation. We all know marriages that didn't make it through nursing school and I can only imagine the statistics in a CRNA program. If he is truly 100% behind you.... he will allow you to follow your dream with no guilt trips. It will be hard enough with just one small child.

I will be starting CRNA school in August with the support of a new husband who is perfectly aware that he will bear most of the responsibility of my 16, 13, and 11 year old children - who aren't genetically his! Now that's support! I hope that you and your husband can come to an agreement and you are able to get through school without those worries. Good luck and God bless.:icon_hug:

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Before I was a mother I had planned on applying to anesthesia school. That same year I found out that I had fertility issues & it was a now-or-never situation, so I became pregnant. I made the conscious decision then that I would put CRNA on the back-burner until my son was old enough to be really self-sufficient. This past October he turned 12 and I decided then that it was about time. Yes, I had to put off going to school but I was able to be with him. I know many people with young children that have become CRNA's, & I know that it was hard on them emotionally. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are doing what YOU want. If someone had told me I had to wait to apply to school until my son was older I would have been resentful, but because it was my own decision when I decided to become pregnant I have had no regrets.

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My mom had two babies during medical school and a third the day after graduation. It was hard for her and the kids, but we all did just fine and for the rest of our childhood, we all were blessed. I now have three small babies (ages 5, 4, and 2). I will be attending CRNA school this fall. My mom is a big inspiration to me. If she could do that, I know that I can do this.

I think that you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

Jennifer

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