I moved to Hospice from the ICU last year, mainly because I feel I have had a calling to this field. And quite frankly I do. (When things go right...LMAO) Our Hospice has been hit pretty hard, and Im the new baby on the block. My very first day out on my own, was in a stand off in a drug diversion issue with a bilateral amputee who was beating this tis poor paralplegic man for his meds. I wouldn;t leave to have him hit again. Got him out after staying nearly 8 hours drug task force in... (must say...the police in that county are the BOMB) heck do they sey that anymore?
When first hired... they explained that I would have two nights on call a month. We then went to a full week on call 24/7 where I nearly killed my self working, and now we are down to a night a week but now... even though we take call ... we still get 16 hour calls on top of working 40 hours, and then take weekend calls which last from Friday night at 4:30pm until 8 am on monday morning. Our staff have had accidents and needed sugeries and leaving the rest of us to hold up the fort till they get back and now they are tying to teach us McKesson in 2 days with a launch for the 1st.
I am crying between drives in the car, I have a crazt strung out drug person stalking me over her mother we put in respite to keep the c/g calm and I feel like smashing my head against the wall.
I love this job... I love what I do... I love my patients and I feel like I belong no where else...... why do I feel so stressed out all of the time. Any free time I have had... believe it or not I have been sleeping.. because I can't any other time. I have had a belly wash of pt die on me, and I know you shouldn't get close, but this one lady I was very close to I adored her to death. Im seeing her now in my dreams and when I am driving her smiling face pops into my mind, and I know she isn't hurting... anymore... I know... but
WE have a great team. Wonderful nurses and social workers, and our bossess are just as strung out as they are... and If I hear one more time...
Do what you have to do to see them, well... quite frankly... they have been getting in and out visits because I end up with 12-14 visits a day to make in a huge 4 county area. They want to spend a great deal of money on a triage call service which doesn't make any sense to the nurses because swe still go out anyway. There is no more help coming. And just when you feel like you can't take anymore.. and ask for a day off, some of the managers make you feel like crap for asking.
Starting to think that going back to the hospita to do my three square 12's and I am done is looking pretty good right about now. But I would hate... I would miss the driving and visiting with my babies .
I asked for a time when we nurses could get together and uplift each other and comfort each other, teach other what each of us know... The answer today was not now...
