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Nurses Humor


dieting under stress


1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole-wheat toast, dry 8 oz skim milk


4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 c steamed spinach 1 c herb tea 1 oreo cookie

---------------------midafternoon snack--------------------------

rest of oreos in the package 2 pt rocky road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge sauce nuts cherries whipped cream


2 loaves garlic bread with -cheese

1 large sausage, mushroom & cheese -pizza

3 milky way or snickers candy -bars

beer or 1 large pitcher of beer

rules for this diet:

1.if you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2.if you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

3.when you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do. used for medicinal purposes never count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and sara lee cheesecake

5.if you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (example: milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints, red hots, or tootsie rolls).

7.cookie pieces contain no calories. the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8.things licked off knives or spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. examples: peanut butter on a knife while making sandwiches or ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

9.foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream or mushrooms and white chocolate.

note: chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color

now don't you feel much better?

This is great! I've always thought it a great, cosmic injustice that I don't get any kind of "credit" if everybody I'm with has something wonderful and I'm "good." If everybody has a salad and that's all I have, then that's fine. But if I have a salad and everybody else goes ahead and has the fudge cake, then SURELY I should have some reward for that???

Who's in charge of the point system?



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