I hate this family members!

  1. GOSH! I am so fed up with family members that I think that's the hardest part of being a nurse, putting up with all their crap!
    anyways. I worked all weekend and I had this guy. Well, his wife visited him and she was so nice to me, talking and even helping me cleaning him up. well, to my surprise today my charge nurse told me that she called yesterday I was off and told her that she was so upset, that she had so many complains about I don't know what, I was like why they do that? If she had a complain why she did not tell me?? why she was so nice to me??? I think she is bipolar!!!
    I hate the family members that want everything done RIGHT AWAY! they don't see you are running up and down the hallway with ten things in your hand. WHy some people don't have mercy on the nurses??? they don't see us as human beings?? about the posting about saying that we are short staff, well, are we supposed to be "professionals" and not say that and put up with the extra load and no help just to be "profesionals" yeah right!
    I got so pissed one day with this patient that was just way too much: move the fan, turn it on, turn it off, move my leg, etc, etc every 5 minutes. Well, I showed him my hands and I went"
    see this hand, see the other one, well I only have 2 and I cannot do all these things at the same time!
    I had my mom sick also, but I understand nurses if they cannot come soon etc. Catering for patients is killing me. I hate this part of nursing. I feel that I cannot give the care I want because the family is on the way! Gosh, I know those are their loved ones but some of them are just nuts. I wish I could just ignore them sometimes but its so hard.
    well, thanks for reading all my whining!!
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    About Pamelita

    Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 92; Likes: 6
    RN-Vent Unit


  3. by   ratchit
    I have a new theory on why patients and families are getting more demanding about the smallest of stupid things and going up the chain of command with complaints that make no sense...

    I think many of them DO see how busy we are and how frantically we work to get everything done in a shift. I think they see how frazzled we get trying to juggle 1000 tasks at once. I think on some level, these people complain because they are worried that if they are quiet they or their loved one will be forgotten.

    It's the kindest explanation I come up with other than that we see people at their best and at their absolute worst.

    But what I really think is going on here is that people are too busy and want to APPEAR to be really involved in their relatives lives.

    I would respond to your manager in writing, at LEAST via email, and describe in detail the wife's behavior when you were on duty and say that the wife had no complaints then. If the manager will let it lie there, fine. If not, ask for details about what the wife was complaining about and refute it.

    Then refuse to take care of the husband again. <g> We've all had patients/families like this- it stinks and it's demoralizing. But it sounds like her actions have nothing to do with yours.
  4. by   sjoe
    "I think on some level, these people complain because they are worried that if they are quiet they or their loved one will be forgotten. "

    And sometimes that is true.

    "people are too busy and want to APPEAR to be really involved in their relatives lives"

    too busy and/or too lazy and/or not really involved but want to APPEAR concerned, is the way I would put it.

    When I worked med-surg, I put all this family interfering in the patient's chart (very objectively, but pointedly), so that if there questions later, it was right there. When it became a PITA, I just reported to the NM what was going on and requested she take these people into her office and explain some facts to them.
  5. by   tattooednursie
    In the LTC there is quite a few family members comming in and out to check on their family. Some are just plain pains in the rear! But on the other hand there are some that I have come to enjoy, because they realize that I am only one person. Some on the other hand don't give a rats smashed behind. They want everything done NOW!!! Those kind drive me crazy!

    Some of the families are so complimentery though. I had one tell me that I was a "truley wonderful CNA" I was having a really bad day that day, and that just made my day!

    Ya know! I think those people who are all nasty should do what we do for a day, I bet then they wouldn't even give us a bit of crap. Maybe before I was a CNA I would have been all irritating if I had a family member in a hospital or LTC "grandma needs this grandma needs that" but now that I know what its like I probably keep my mouth shut unless it was important.

    If they only knew what we go through!
  6. by   hapeewendy
    in the area I work we have a lot of issues that come up with family members , some so serious that nurses have refused to care for the patients just because of the grief dished out by the family.
    I used to get so upset and take everything to heart if a patients family member got upset and vented at me...
    now , I can see that there are so many issues at play here , we have to recognize that and not take it personally - which is insanely difficult to do!
    sometimes its a matter of genuine concern - many other times however it is a matter of guilt or helplessness. Some family members feel guilty that they didnt play a bigger role in the patients life when the patient was out of hospital and have to try to make up for that when they are in the hospital. Other times its a matter of realizing that in many ways the family might feel helpless as to whats going on. I'm not justifying any of their behaviour because believe me I've been on the recieving end of it, I Just find it helps to understand where the behaviour comes from so that I dont take it on my own shoulders.
    I know that I've done my very best , many times without the proper support systems or resources and that the most important needs of my patients are being met , and met quite well if I do say so myself. I believe this to be true for all of us, otherwise we wouldnt be here, doing what we do.
    I have let many family members know where the pantry is to get some water for their loved ones, I've also explained that if they have questions about the TV and whatnot that I will try my best to figure out whats going on but that they can address the unit secretary also....
    people need to realize that although they may not care that I have 8 other patients to care for besides their dear mother or father, they need to understand that those 8 other patients are also someones loved ones and deserve my attention also.