I Am A Nurse.

I wake up every afternoon with an identity. It's one I've carefully crafted through the years. I worked tireless nights reading and researching. I've put myself through weeks of stress and expenditures physically, mentally and financially to craft this image. I 've put tears , time and heart into being who I am and my bones tell me the tale I have made them dance day in and day out as I climb out of bed. I meander to the sink in the bathroom and I see a swollen, slightly discolored and tired face. I am not the picture of magazine airbrushed beauty but I am satisfied with what I see.

I see a nurse.

Every line, be it from stress or hours on my feet. Every new wrinkle be it from laughter or tears. Every sun spot, every bump and lump comes from the need to tirelessly keep moving.

A shower, a brush and some makeup later I'm staring at the face that will stare back at someone needing answers, care and compassion. I stare at the hands that will administer medications, provide wound care, type notes and assessments and help guide someone to the bathroom or down the hall for the first time in months.

I am an individual who chose this life because I have a need to give back and give in.

Man is but a reflection of ourselves. We see others in there worse , at their worse and in the worse moments of their lives. Every time I drive to work I remind myself that anger, frustration, noncompliance does not come from actions I created but from people in circumstances I can not understand. I have not lived their lives.

I will see things I can not rationalize. I will hear things that may have little meaning to me. I will try to understand.

But man is a compilation of his or her environment, of their lives and influences and of their experiences. As much as I carefully crafted the image of a nurse others have one of a mother, wife, husband, son, teacher, scholar...etc. When those images are threatened we see not the man, but the beast attempting to survive within.

And when those images are threatened by illness, tragedy and unforeseen circumstances we see man at their worse. We endure them at their weakest. We absorb their criticism, cynicism, fear, confusion, frustration, and hopelessness and we build. We build relationships, we foster hope and we help heal.

I look in the mirror at work and I see a furrowed brow, smearing eyeliner and a crumpled sheet of paper with notes and orders sticking out of my pocket. I wash my hands and take a breath and I go on to the next task and I carefully turn the person who just stammered down the hall in frustration from an obstacle to an ally as I retouch the burn bandages on her baby girl. She's scared. She's frustrated. She's tired and she feels the guilt every mother would that her child suffers such pain because of her oversight. It took a second to allow her child to be injured on her watch, but now she's all over me.

And I understand. I understand that I control the environment.

I set the pace.

I use this moment to teach, to rebuff, to listen.

Yes, I'm frustrated. Yes, I'm annoyed but I don't let it show. I remind myself why I'm here and the glistening eyes of a toddler and widened eyes of a frantic mother tell me why.

It's my responsibility to take point and stay calm.

Health is more than physical. It is mental, it is emotional, it is spiritual. It has many facets and if I maintain a healthy mind and personality I can infect those around me. I have taught the mother to troubleshoot pain and bandages. I have eased her discomfort and helped her injured baby sleep.

The night is now calmer. I can document with the folded notes in my pocket satisfied with the outcome. The morning will bring new challenges but for now things are handled.

My Personal Philosophy of Nursing is simple. It is to see people as they are. I aim to provide them the care they need. I attempt to understand the person, the background. I create an environment of trust and openness.I tolerate the criticism and the backlash that may occur and I use those moments to teach and to listen. My colleagues may intervene to reinforce and assist in situations. I will assist them in the same manner. No one patient is ours, but the whole unit belongs to everyone.

We are nurses.

I will go home in the morning battle worn. My shoulders may slump, my feet may ache. I will shower and slip under covers as the sun comes up and I will rise as it lowers the same day.

I will meander to the bathroom and I will look at the same face. I know I will never know everything. I know I will continue to learn. I know I will walk into a unit where every nurse feels the same way and functions the same way and we will be worn every morning after.

And we will come back ready for more day in and day out.

I will wake and I will see a swollen, slightly discolored and tired face and smile.

I am a Nurse.