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[Apples&Oranges]

Hey, Allnurses, it's been a while!

I see posts all the time about nurses' (particularly new nurses) frustration, confusion and exasperation about receiving criticism on the job. I get it. It it hard to hear from anyone, especially supervisors, that we have areas in which we need to improve. It's always hard for me to hear. ALWAYS. And yet, I have come to a place in my life and my career where I not only value, but crave and need constructive criticism.

I WANT to be a better nurse (and a better person.) Most of us don't always have the best insight into how we are perceived by others. I KNOW I don't. This lack of perspective took me years to recognize. I am absolutely certain that most people I work/live/interact with have at least almost as skewed a perception of themselves as I do (otherwise, why would they act the way they do?)

I read a post earlier from a nurse who showed a stunning lack of self awareness of how he has been perceived for what reads like years...and has no sense at all that HE is the problem, as opposed to everyone he has ever worked with.

Long story short, (too late!) I know now that I need feedback on my practice, they way I interact with patients, colleagues, other departments, particularly when I am stressed. I can usually predict what that feedback is going to be - not because I see the behaviors in myself, but because I have been getting the same feedback for years, and have, until recently, brushed it off as "I'm misunderstood," "they just don't 'get' me," "it's not a good personality fit"....etc.

Over the past few years, I've come to the realization that while once in a while it's them, it's usually me. I can be...difficult.

Ok, now for the good part: I've started actively seeking out feedback. From my coworkers, from managers, from Patient Experience, (I know, barf) from HR...I want to know how I am perceived by everyone. Not in a creepy weird way, just when they are rounding, l've started pulling the person aside once every couple of months and asking straight up, "hey, could you give me some feedback on my performance? Is there anything you have seen or heard about that I could be doing better?"

Guess what? people are SO receptive to it.

I finished a contract today, and asked the Unit Manager, Inpatient Coordinator, HR rep, Patient Experience rep and 2 charge nurses this question. "Can you give me some feedback on what I did well on this assignment and what I could work on going forward to make me more successful?" (Sounds cheesy, right? I literally used these EXACT words.)

The response was so great. I got so many complements and so much praise, I got teary every time. Goosebump city. I got gifts, requests to stay, offered 2 different permanent positions, many hugs... I also got the same negative or constructive criticism from almost Every. Single. Person.

What does that tell me? These are 3 things I need to work on. If everyone is seeing the same things, it's not them, it's me.

I am now a constructive criticism junkie. It's so hard to hear you are not doing something well. I flinch a little each time. Ok, I flinch a lot. But I also nod, take a deep breath and THANK them sincerely for taking the time to reflect on what I was asking and care about my future success enough to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation with me.

It's easy for the people around you to tell you how fabulous you are. It makes you smile and go away.

It's very difficult to have an honest conversation with someone about their shortcomings and ways in which they need to improve. Value the people who take the time to do this for you. They can teach you a lot.